What do Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and Karma all have in common? (No, this is not a riddle. Just shout it out when you know the answer.) That’s right, folks. They don’t exist.
However, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny have pleasant physical forms that usually bring smiles to the faces of children who believe. On the other hand, the personification of Karma, well…that’s a mystery to me. But I’ve heard she’s a bitch.
Thanks to The Karate Kid, I totally understand the idea behind the “what-goes-around-comes-around” mentality. I mean, Johnny totally deserved the hose in the bathroom treatment from Daniel, right? Of course, The Karate Kid got his ass kicked, but that’s not the point. The point is that he didn’t wait for Karma to show up at some undetermined time in the future to do his dirty work for him. He took matters into his own hands, and for that, Daniel has my respect.
In my opinion, Karma is nothing more than a scapegoat for unresolved issues. And that is why I can’t really relate to people who believe in Karma. They crave revenge, sometimes for years, but are waiting on a mystical being to perform the task for them? I don’t get it.
Here’s something to ponder. What if Karma never shows up? What if she’s got her period or has a headache? What if she quits because she’s tired of fighting your fights? If you truly cannot get over whatever situation caused a wrong in your life, do you really think waiting around for something bad to happen to whoever it is you’re pissed at is the way to go? Will hearing a tragic story about someone who wronged you five years ago make you feel better? And if the answer to that question is yes, what kind of person does that make you?
And what about poor Karma? I’m pretty sure if I were her, I’d tell everyone to stop whining and get on with their lives. Not to mention that if Karma really did exist, wouldn’t she be focusing on bigger problems like murder, espionage or cleaning up the environment? And if she really had any time left over to start a personal war on assholes, wouldn’t she most likely skip your mundane requests and start with…oh, I don’t know…Kanye West?
Due to mutual dislike, there are people who are no longer a part of my life. And regardless of what kind of assholes we were to each other in the past, I hold no ill will towards them now. I don’t secretly wish that Karma attacks them with Alfred Hitchcock’s birds.
You see, I don’t believe in Karma. I just believe in life’s ups and downs.
And no one lives a perfect life.
I’ve made mistakes. I’ve fucked people over. I’ve been an asshole when I could’ve chosen to be nice. And yes, shitty things have happened to me that will make anyone who doesn’t like me very happy. But I’m certain that when crap lands in my lap, it’s not because Karma is doing my haters a favor. It’s simply because shit happens…to everyone…all of the time. The difference between Karma believers and me is that I am not waiting for the storm to strike my opponents.
Instead, I am living.
And I urge the Karma believers to join me. Not in two months, or five years after Karma has avenged the wrongs in your life, but now. The only way to truly live life is to stop hoping that this Karma bitch has your back. Because she doesn’t.
Karma doesn’t happen. Life does.
*This piece was published on Sammiches and Psych Meds on May 20, 2016.