As a kid, I thought heroes were rare creatures born with special powers on planets that I couldn’t pronounce. As I got a bit older, I began applying the term to regular people (dwelling on planet Earth) who make lives better for others. But now that I’m forty, and obviously wiser than I’ve ever been, I now realize that heroes are everywhere.
For instance, the other day, my husband made sure to tell me all about how he remembered to take the garbage out. I mean, move over Thor, right? I should have made my dude a cape right then and there, but instead, I started thinking about the heroes I come across on a daily basis. So, without further ado, here are five of my favorite heroes (not including my husband who is the best garbage taker-outer ever) who could totally use a cape.
These folks have mad super powers:
This is the guy who obnoxiously predicts every piece of music that will be a number one hit on the radio for whichever band he has claimed to discover. Super Fan Dave knows a band’s songs before everyone else…ever…like even before the record company found the band playing with broken strings, a washboard and a tambourine in a seedy bar in Kentucky. Yup, Super Fan Dave was first, and therefore, he could definitely use a cape.
She is the hero in your life who tragically “suffers” from resting bitch face. These ladies wave their RBF flags high, constantly alerting people to their condition. I’m not sure I get it, as it seems weird to me to flaunt your bitch face, especially if you really are a nice person. Does having RBF make you feel more intimidating or badass? I don’t know. But hey, if it’s something you’re proud of, maybe you could use a cape.
This rare bird thinks it’s a good idea to declare herself a benevolent individual by posting comments ensuring everyone knows she just did a few hours of charity work. Sometimes, she even finds it necessary to tell the world how big her heart is. Okay, so maybe she deserves a cape, but not if she’s going to be all braggy assed about it.
This genius is a true hero to me because she has ALL of the answers, ALL of the time. She usually starts sentences that sound something like, “If that were my kid, I would never let her out of my sight.” And it doesn’t stop there. She will also give you real life accounts of what a tragic mistake it would be to allow your kid to ride a bike, play outside or watch gorillas at a zoo without constant supervision. She may even leave you wondering if there is a way to surgically glue your eyes to your kid. Super Smarty Pants is a phenomenon. And since she has life all figured out, she’s probably already wearing a cape.
Sometimes, being surrounded by all of these champions of life can really make me miss the humble heroes of old. But I will not fear. The new version of heroes are here. And they are proudly clogging up my daily newsfeed, one cape-worthy act at a time.