Nobody likes a quitter, right? As the old adage says, quitters never
win. But what about quitting while
you’re ahead? Is there ever a time when
quitting is a better decision than sticking something out?
As the end of the school year approaches, my girls tend to
experience what I call year-end burnout.
Last year, around this time, both of my girls were Girl Scouts and were
begging me to quit. The year before, my
oldest was taking swim class and had enough.
The year before that it was horse riding lessons. I didn’t let them quit. I told them that these are all things they
wanted to try, and because they asked to be a part of something, they needed to
finish it. I made sure that they were
aware that they didn’t have to continue once the season or class was over, but
they did have to finish what they started.
More recently, my oldest has been complaining about the book
club that she is in. The club meets
twice a month, and she has to read two books a month. It doesn’t sound like much, but when you add
in school work and the theatre class that she is taking, her schedule can be a
bit overwhelming. However, I don’t know
if quitting is the answer, especially since there is only about three months
left. But the issue is that she is being
much more persistent about quitting than ever before. She literally hates the book club and is
falling behind in the club’s reading assignments. And although I think that the year-end
burnout is partly to blame, I can tell that she is done and most likely isn’t
going to add anything of value to the club.
So, here is my dilemma.
I’ve never allowed my girls to quit anything before. And I have given them the “you’ll be letting
your team down if you quit” lecture. But
another truth is-isn’t it okay to quit something that is making you
miserable? How do I tell my children to
strive for happiness, but then tell them that they can’t quit doing something
that makes them unhappy? Not to mention,
people quit jobs, relationships, hobbies to pursue other things that can make
them happier. I don’t think I know one
person who hasn’t quit something (or given up on something or someone) in their
lifespan. Even though it is always
associated with a negative result, quitting is actually a part of life. And maybe if you are someone who quits
everything all of the time, I can see how it could be a terrible thing. However, my children are young (seven and ten
years old), and they are still trying things out. They are going to be “finding themselves”
well into their twenties. Quitting might
not always be the best choice, and may not result in happiness. Quitting may teach them the lessons related
to actions and consequences. But it also
might move them onto things they may never have started had they not quit.
I know it sounds like I am being an advocate for quitting. And
I assure you that I am not. It’s just
that this is the first time I have ever sat down and really thought about
it. I don’t think quitting should be the
“go-to” solution for problems. It really
should be the last resort. But I also
don’t think that it deserves the negative connotation and shame that comes
along with giving up on something. From
personal experience, I know that there are some benefits to letting something
go.
As I end this blog post, I am still unsure about what I am
going to do with the book club decision for my daughter. I hate how sad and stressed this is making
her. And because she isn’t part of a
team, this really is more of a personal decision, which is making me lean
towards letting her quit. I have also
thought about letting her quit, but then giving her a strong warning about
being sure about something before committing to it. But that opens up a whole different can of
worms. If I tell her that she has to be
more calculated about committing to something, will that lead to commitment
issues in her future? You can see where
this is going.
Because they are still young, my decisions are their
decisions and choosing the right path while teaching them a life lesson is not
always easy. And the thing I keep
thinking about is that I am agonizing over this small thing-a book club. As they grow older, the subject matter will
only get more complicated and harder to navigate with just pure logic and a
dash of hope that they will make good choices.
So, the question in this case is-when it comes to your children, if you
can’t have both, what is more important-the lessons or their happiness?
