With New Year’s goals finding their way into our already full
agendas, time is more critical than ever. We have our game faces on-feeling
positive, confident, and indestructible. That is, until we run into our friends
Debbie Downer, Gloomy Gus and Negative Nancy.
For those who don’t know who they are, Debbie, Gus and Nancy are
the fictitious pseudonyms for those people in your life who thrive on
negativity, play the victim in every possible situation, and tell their sad
stories over and over again to whomever is willing to listen. Sometimes, they
even thwart your plans by telling you about a guy who knew a guy who had a disastrous
outcome in a situation similar to the one you are about to embark on.
Are you starting to recognize these people now? If not, a good
way to spot them is to ask the mundane yet polite question, “How are you?”
Let’s be honest. When people ask this question, they are
expecting a quick, “Everything’s great” so that they can go about their day.
But a Debbie, Gus or Nancy will never let this opportunity pass. They will
instead stop you in your tracks and make you listen to a ten-minute saga about
why their morning/ex-husband from five years ago/dead goldfish from 1978 was
plaguing them. When dealing with these people, I learned the hard way that
giving them too much attention will validate the way they are
feeling and ultimately suck you into their toxic bubble. Instead of becoming an
ally who will support their pessimism, I learned that a simple wave hello is
more sensible.
In addition, because social media has shown no signs of slowing
down, thousands of people like Debbie, Gus and Nancy have been unveiled.
Scrolling down a Facebook timeline can reveal quite a bit about someone’s
personality. You can tell who is upbeat, fun, adventurous, crafty,
narcissistic, angry, bitter, or just sad.
I understand that we all go through an array of emotions
throughout our lives, and having a few bad days that we take out on our
personal Facebook community can be somewhat cathartic. However, Debbie, Gus and
Nancy have patterns that never stray too far away from the negative. Even
though some of my former Facebook friends were nice and didn’t wrong me in any
way, seeing how dreary their days were going on a daily basis started to
affect my day. So, when it comes time to evaluate who I want
to see in my newsfeed, those who can’t find a small ray of sunshine, even once
in a while, are the ones who generally get the axe.
So, am I right in throwing a joyous mental goodbye party for
these people after dismissing them from my life? Although it always feels right
to me, maybe I’m too quick to unfriend. Like watching a soap opera, maybe
hearing someone else’s drama can make me feel better about my own. Or maybe
their rain will give me a better idea of how to plan my parade. Maybe we all
need a force that keeps us grounded when we are trying to fly.\
OR…maybe we don’t.
When the majority of the minutes in my day are set aside for
tasks like working, cooking or cleaning, the time that is left over becomes
considerably important. Sharing even one of those minutes with Debbie, Gus or
Nancy seems…well…depressing. Though I don’t live a shiny, happy life every
moment of the day, I am pleased with where I am and who is here with me.
Therefore, Debbie, Gus and Nancy will have to understand that my time is too
valuable to be stuck in the past or to pine over the negative results of
situations that have not yet occurred. Rather, I choose to reserve my minutes
for those who make my life lighter and for those who simply hand me an umbrella
when the forecast calls for rain.
*This piece was published on Sammiches and Psych Meds on March 17, 2016.
