Apparently, bullying starts younger than I remember.
A few years ago, due to an issue with her foot, my daughter wore
a boot. As she slowly limped down the
hallway with a friend, the class bully decided to push her…for no reason at
all. It wasn’t done in a flirty,
“let-me-pull-your-hair-because-I-like-you” way.
It was malicious. I’m not sure if
this is a blessing or a curse, but my daughter has inherited my mouth. So she
gave that boy a piece of her mind and the ordeal was over. That is, until she told me about it.
I was really proud that she stood up for herself, and her
reaction taught me that she would always be okay. However, upon further discussion, she
informed me that this kid regularly picked on girls in her class. I don’t know
what goes on in a household that would allow an elementary school boy to think
that pushing, hitting or kicking a girl is okay, but that’s a topic for another
day. With that said, even though my daughter handled the issue, I felt the need
to say something on behalf of other moms who might be dealing with this as
well. So, I contacted her teacher and this boy’s mother via email to alert them
to the fact that he had deliberately hurt my daughter, who, as a reminder,
already had a bum foot.
In his mother’s response to my email, she said she would
address it. But just for good measure,
she added a petty comment alluding to something my daughter said to her son
(which was “shut up”, for inquiring minds). Note to
self: work with my daughter on better word choices and maybe some applicable
hand gestures. Adding this quip to
the end of her email voided her entire reply.
By turning his behavior around on my daughter, she indirectly told me
that his conduct may have been justifiable.
In my mind, no matter how many times my daughter told her son to shut
up, there is no acceptable reason for physical violence, specifically between a
boy and a girl. My concern was that this could happen to someone else’s kid. And it has.
His most recent display of aggression happened a few weeks ago with a swift
kick to a girl’s ankle, which landed her in the nurse’s office.
Since this boy’s behavior hasn’t changed, I have made my
daughter aware that a boy should never harm a girl. It’s a shame that this boy hasn’t received
the memo. With my daughter being only
ten years old, I don’t even want to have the puberty conversation with her,
much less talk to her about physically violent boys, who will eventually turn
into assholes as men. But here we are, discussing it.
I’m not really sure why action wasn’t taken the first time
this kid displayed signs of aggression.
The boy’s PTA mother is well known at school, so maybe some low level
politics had been involved. Regardless,
this situation in its entirety baffles me because if my child displayed
multiple behavioral issues, I wouldn’t be up the school’s ass, trying to make
myself look important. I would be up my child’s ass, trying to figure out where
I went wrong. But that’s just me.
Right now, this boy is on the path to popularity- the cool
chicks like him, and the boys want to be his friend. But he is also on the path to
self-importance. He will soon come to
realize that he has the ability to make people do whatever he says. He will laugh at the expense of others, and
the minions in his group will laugh and follow in his footsteps in the name of
being “cool”.
I am not a fortune teller, but I know that if his parents
stop enabling his behavior and involve themselves now, he might have a better
shot at being a decent human being.
And that’s my point.
We are highly expendable in every job we will ever hold
except for one. Being a parent is an
irreplaceable role, and it is imperative that we remember that. If your kid
needs more from you, be there. If he is acting out, pay more attention and
intervene when necessary. If another
parent informs you that your kid has done something wrong, be willing to accept
that your kid isn’t perfect. Address
issues with your children in a real way, rather than with a simple ten minute
“your-behavior-was-not-nice” lecture. Make a commitment to your child, even if
that means losing your coveted role as a PTA member.
One of the scariest things about parenting is that we don’t
always get it right. But while our
children are still young and impressionable, addressing issues when we see them
is essential to their development. Whether
you are a parent of a bully, or of a child who is being bullied, remember that
inaction is also an action. So speak up,
pay attention and be present. Your children,
and the society that has to deal with them, will appreciate it in the long run.
