Losing the Dad of the Year Award

With Father’s Day approaching, I want to point out that this day for dads does not just have to be for the awesome men who are there for their kids every second of the day. While I applaud these dads, I just want to recognize the dads who get blamed for never being around (but who want to be); the dads who don’t think they deserve their children’s time; the dads who think they aren’t worthy of the title “Dad”. While I believe that these dads should work harder to be around more for their children, I give these guys a lot of credit. It’s not easy being that kind of Dad. I’ve watched it firsthand, and although it’s simple for everyone to call these men “dead beat parents”, that really isn’t the case at all-at least not in my home.

On Father’s Day, a few years ago, my fiancé was getting ready to meet his girls for lunch. As he was leaving, he looked at me with sad eyes and said, “I feel bad to make them give up their day for me. They probably feel obligated to be with me today.” In that moment, my heart broke for him. He wasn’t making an excuse; he really did want to see them. But he truly felt that because he wasn’t around in their lives growing up, he didn’t deserve a place in their lives at all…especially on Father’s Day. 

I want to be able to tell you about all of the times he spent with his girls growing up, and the unique bond he has with them. But unfortunately, my fiancé is not that Dad. The Dad of the Year award will never be given to him. Due to divorce and hefty alimony and child support payments, my fiancé had to work constantly in order to keep up with those payments, leaving little time for his precious girls. Even though his thoughts were always with them, he didn’t have time to be there for them when it counted. After years like this, his lifestyle became habitual, and though the alimony payments ended and he was able to create a decent relationship with them as they grew older, the time he spent with his daughters was still minimal. 

Recently, when a slew of poor decisions on his daughters’ parts tore a large gaping hole in his heart, he was unwavering in his love for them. And that is what makes him a great father. Loving his daughters even though he is incredibly hurt and disappointed in the choices they have made, is inspiring. Being able to love them, even though they cannot be in his life the way he wishes they could be, is truly remarkable. Wishing them well, even though they have wronged him, is one of the best qualities a human being can have. But even with a heart full of unconditional love, he still gets a bad rap for not being around enough.  I agree with the girls to a certain extent, as I believe that when they were children, he should have made a bigger and better effort, regardless of his circumstances.  But I also believe that once children become adults, everyone is then on an equal playing field.  As adults, we are all responsible for every relationship we have, especially those with our parents.

I don’t believe that a father’s greatness should be based on the number of hours he shares with you, or the number of times he calls you each year. I think a father’s greatness comes from his love, his ability to guide you, and from his ability to be honest, loyal, sincere and accepting. These are qualities I have been witness to during my fiancé‘s interactions with his daughters over the years. In addition, he is thoughtful, caring, smart, and funny. One of the best things about him is that when he loves you, he would go to the ends of the Earth and back for you.

Is he the best Dad ever? No, but his girls have made and are still making some awful decisions that are causing him a lot of pain, so no one in this family is going to be receiving any awards this year. All I know is that if my Dad asked me to compromise or told me that I caused him pain, I would do everything I could to make it right again. With that said, rather than continuing on the destructive course they are on, I hope they find a way to truly listen to each other without defending their past actions.  I hope they find a way to understand and move through the pain they have all caused each other, both in the past, and more recently.  Mostly, I hope that they will be willing to do whatever it is that needs to be done to make sure that the relationship can begin to grow again. 

The father I know in my fiancé (and the fathers who are in similar situations), will always love his daughters and will always want their happiness, even if he can’t be a part of it. And to the children of Dads in similar situations, although he may not have earned the Dad of the Year award, he is your Dad; he is your blood; and he loves you more than you will ever know.

Happy Father’s Day to the awesome dads who go the extra mile, and for all of those Dads who don’t, but wish they could.

Give Me a Break!

Back in the day, taking breaks at the office was normal and quite enjoyable.  Over the years, there has been quite a shift in the acceptance of taking breaks at all.  Because I have worked for the same company for a really long time, I watched this shift occur right before my eyes.  I went from taking a leisurely lunch with a bunch of my colleagues to grotesquely shoving my lunch into my mouth while at my desk.  And although I can’t speak for everyone, I definitely know of people who work in other professions who don’t take breaks either.  For example, I was recently dumbfounded when a friend of mine, who is a nurse, told me that she doesn’t even get time to take regular bathroom breaks.

Not taking a break has become the norm in many places of employment.  I remember the days when we were so busy that our management teams ordered food for us and apologized profusely for not allowing us to leave our desks for lunch because we were so slammed.  Most of us were okay with it because we knew that it was only a temporary situation, and that we would get our full lunch hour back in a few days.  Fast forward to 2015, where I can’t remember the last time I took a full hour for lunch and didn’t feel guilty about it.

My managers are actually pretty great.  I work crazy hours, I work hard, and they always find a way to let me know that they notice.  So you would think that I would be a little less paranoid about getting up from my desk.  But for me, this is not the case.  Because I work from home, my concern is that someone will call me and think that because I didn’t answer, I am down at the beach having a cocktail instead of being at work.  I worry that if I don’t answer the phone every single time it rings, people may perceive me as unreliable, unavailable or, even worse, a slacker.  Not to mention, it just so happens that almost every time I dash to my kitchen to make myself a plate of food or get up to use the bathroom, I get a phone call with some sort of an emergency.  So, that doesn’t help my fear at all. 

Recently, I started to wonder if employees are on overdrive, constantly trying to prove their worth, and in turn, creating this “no break” environment?  Or has the work environment become too demanding of the employees?  Maybe it is a bit of both.  Regardless of the cause, my question still remains-what happened to lunch breaks? 

One of my favorite bosses used to occasionally take us to lunch for (insert GASP here) over an hour.  We talked about work, but also about our lives.  We laughed and created a personal team dynamic.  We weren’t just colleagues; we became friends.  Instead of focusing on myself, my worth, my deadline, my ability to prove what an asset I was, I focused on my team and how we could work better together.  I wasn’t stressed out about being the best.  I was driven to be a better part of the team.  The moral of the story is that when you are friends with the people you work with, you will tend to do just about anything to help each other succeed. 

In addition to providing great team morale, I believe taking breaks (and not the 10 minute gorging sessions we now call lunch) during a busy or stressful work day can be great for productivity!  Can you imagine going to a meeting without your stomach growling the entire time, wondering if you would get a chance to eat that day?  Can you imagine a room full of employees who had just taken a break, who are refreshed, attentive, sharp, and ready to go instead of cranky, disinterested and hungry?

This brings me to my next point, which is health.  As my readers know, I am a Type 1 diabetic, so eating for me is actually a necessity.  Just because I happen to have a disease that makes eating a requirement, shouldn’t others who are disease-free be allowed to eat the proper nutrients they need in a relaxed atmosphere?  Eating quickly can cause indigestion, which in turn, can cause misery for an employee.  If someone knows they only have ten minutes to get lunch, they may not spend that ten minutes pondering at the salad bar.  They will most likely pick up something pre-made and not nearly as healthy. 

And lastly, we have the stress factor.  If people feel stressed out about going to lunch, getting lunch, eating lunch quickly, they are probably causing themselves unnecessary health issues.  Stress has been linked to serious conditions like heart disease, obesity, diabetes, asthma, panic attacks, headaches and depression, to name a few.  Simply stepping away from your job for a specified period of time could really help someone in a stressful environment.  But if the break period is also stressful, there is no benefit to the employee, or the employer, for that matter.

I realize that in these times, having a job with a steady paycheck is extremely important, and taking breaks may not be seen as a wise choice.  However, I think that if your place of work enables you to take breaks without the guilt, then indulge yourself!  And if you happen to work for a company that frowns upon breaks, maybe starting a conversation with your colleagues or your human resources department might be a good way to go. 

I think we all deserve to add some enjoyment back into our days without feeling like taking a break could get you fired.  It would be great if management could start a movement in which THEY take breaks too!  Leading by example doesn’t only have to apply to the work part of the day.  If managers took noticeable breaks, that alone would encourage their employees to take breaks as well.  And then we would all be happier, healthier and more productive.

I can imagine it, but unfortunately, the trend doesn’t seem to be heading in that direction.  I remain hopeful that we all find some sort of balance to the increasingly stressful days at work.  Until then, I urge you to take your allotted ten minute lunch, walk away from your desk, and reboot. 

Socially Awkward

I’ve come to the conclusion that many people are introverts, and I am basing this on the amount of blog pieces I have read in the last year that claim, “I am introvert!  Hear me roar (or hear me whisper with my head down)!”  Apparently, being an introvert is not a unique thing.  However, different people give introverts different traits, so after combing through twenty articles, I was so confused about what an introvert actually is that I decided to stop trying to label myself something that sounds so fancy.  I don’t know whether I have the characteristics of an introvert or not.  I think I do.  But I’ll let you decide.

I usually describe myself as socially awkward.  Of course, there is the rarity of “clicking” with someone right off the bat, but I can count on one hand how many times that has happened.  So, in my adult life, making new friends hasn’t been easy. It’s weird to me to just clamber up to someone and say, “Hey, we should be friends” or “Hey-you have kids and I have kids, so that makes us BFFs, right?”  I don’t do forced friendships.  But on the flip side, although I may not introduce myself to every mom in my daughters’ classes at school, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I don’t want friendships with these women.  It just means that I find it weird to start a conversation with a stranger who I may or may not have things in common with.  For instance, if I were in a coffee shop reading a book, and across the table, there was a woman reading the same book, I would feel confident that we could have a good conversation.  Of course, I would never in a million years approach the coffee shop woman, but I’m just trying to give you some perspective.  On the other hand, if I were volunteering for craft time in a classroom with another mom, I wouldn’t feel confident that a conversation about Popsicle sticks would end in a very meaningful relationship.  For me, there has to be more than that to feel comfortable talking to someone new.

I’ve had a few people say that prior to getting to know me, they thought I was a complete bitch.  And trust me when I tell you, I definitely can be.  But I promise that I am not intentionally warding people off.  Most of the time, when I am in a room full of women I don’t know, I listen.  Not in a creepy or judgmental way, but in a “this-is-a- decent-conversation and-I-wish-I-had- something- to- add” kind of way.   Instead of adding to the conversation, I may smile, or play games on my phone, or read a book that I almost always have with me.  My point is that I am most definitely not being a bitch.  What I am being is awkward.  Though it’s not my best quality, I’m glad I can own it and laugh about it.

Most of the friendships I have now are with people who were introduced to me through someone I was already friends with.  So, I never really had to step out of my so-called box.  Although they may never have had to get past my social awkwardness, my girlfriends have gotten to know the real me and have decided to stick around.  So, does this make me an introvert?  Weirdo?  Social Leper?  I still don’t know which label truly fits.  But I have learned that with sincere friendship comes the ability to be comfortably social… without the awkward chick lurking in the shadows.

Young Love

My ten year old daughter recently let me know that she had her first crush on a boy.  The crush only lasted three days, after which, she returned to being her old “pre-crush” self, which means she continued pretending to be a cat, reading some of her favorite books, and generally acting like boys have cooties again. While the crush was short-lived, it was a very clear indication that my little girl is growing up.  I have to say that I didn’t think this moment would come for another few years, as she is a very immature ten (if that makes any sense).  But when I thought back to my own childhood, I had my first kiss (not full on making out) in the fourth grade, at ten years old.  So, with that in perspective, I guess she is not as far advanced in that area as I was, and I am a bit relieved.

My daughter has been taught that having a boyfriend is not allowed until she is much older.  Her father definitely holds a much more stringent position on this topic than I do, although I’m not far behind him when it comes to how he feels about it.  The recent “crush” became an issue to an extent, not because my daughter knew that she wasn’t at a dateable age yet, but because she thought her feelings were inappropriate.  When she initially broke the news, she said that she had a “bad thought” about a boy in class.  When she finally revealed that she had a crush, I was a little sad that she thought her feelings were “bad”.  While I had conflicting feelings about telling her that things like dating and kissing should be reserved for a boy in the very far future, I wanted her to know that having feelings about someone is okay.  The fact that she thought it was scary and bad to “like” a boy made me reconsider how to approach bigger topics that come up along these lines.  My point is that I don’t think that projecting my own fears onto my children by telling them of all the scary things about love or sex is doing anyone any good.  At the end of the day, she will feel whatever it is she feels for someone, whether I like it or not.  And because of that, I prefer that she feel confident in her feelings, rather than fearful of my reaction to them.

Young love is often overlooked by adults.  It is brushed off as, “oh, you’re young and have no idea what love is.”  But is that really true?  I remember really being in love in high school.  And that love was pure.  It didn’t have anything to do with what kind of job he had, what kind of car he drove or how much money he made.  Young couples don’t have the responsibilities that come with adult mates.  Young love doesn’t calculate things like whether or not the partner in question will be a good husband or father.  Young love doesn’t judge someone based on anything other than “I like you.  You get me.  Let’s hang out.”  So, in looking at all of the ways adults pick apart the relationships they are in, isn’t young love the purest form of love there is between couples?  Shouldn’t we, as adults, try harder not to diminish the love a young person feels simply because “they are young” and therefore, aren’t mature enough to know what love is?  Somewhere along the way, I think a lot of us lose that ability to truly see a person, and instead, take into account what the person has to offer us or what value the person will have in our future.  As we grow older, we start making lists of the qualities we look for in a partner, and by the time that list is done, we’ve created a version of a Disney prince who will forever exist only in our minds.  It probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to try to remember our first loves and take a deeper look at them before judging our daughters and telling them what’s wrong, what’s right, or what’s utterly ridiculous in their teen love lives.

In particular, high school is a time when a lot of teens are feeling insecure.  It’s a time of awkwardness and wanting to fit in. Maybe I was lucky, but my love interests in high school made me feel comfortable, loved and accepted, which are very rare feelings for teenagers.  And all of that was provided by, yep, you guessed it-a boy!  Sexual encounters are bound to happen, even though we, as parents, have instructed our children otherwise.  I don’t want to have fear-induced lectures with my children about sex.  Rather, I hope to have talks with my children that are educational, but most of all, honest.  Do I want my girls to have sex at 16 (or GASP- younger)?  No, not at all.  But if they happen to be in love and make the choice to have sex, I don’t want them to be scared, or feel that they are doing something bad.  I don’t want them to feel “wrong”, like my ten year old did when she had her 3-day crush. 

Will they get their hearts broken?  Probably.  I did.  But I wouldn’t trade my early relationships for anything.  Did I give a piece of myself to certain boys?  Absolutely.  Did I get some crazy STD?  No, because I was properly educated.  I made my sexual decisions based on comfort and love-not on peer pressure or reputation.  I truly hope I can instill that same decision making ability in my girls so that they can make choices that THEY feel good about, regardless of what anyone else, including myself, thinks.

I know my opinion on this matter is most likely not a popular one.  I’ve heard women say that their children aren’t going to have sex until they reach their twenties.  Some women believe their children will follow what their religion teaches and stay virgins until married.  And while I applaud that thought, and hope my children wait to make these types of decisions, I think it’s more important to be a realist and consider the idea that our children’s love lives may not follow our wishes.  I think it’s more important to educate them in a healthy way, rather than a scary way, and hope for the best. 

Of course, my opinion on this may change as my daughters get older.  But I am going to try to make a vow to myself to not dismiss my daughters’ feelings if they happen to have crushes or fall in love at a young age.  I will try to remind myself that young love is pure and simple.  And I will try to remember that the simplicity of high school relationships is something to be valued, because as we all know, relationships only get more complicated with age.  I will also try to take into account that their love interests when they are young may actually be helping them find security and acceptance that is on a completely different level than what I can offer them as a parent.  And maybe that young love will eventually help them find what they want or don’t want in a future relationship. 

Every relationship our children enter, good or bad, will teach them something.  I just want to give them enough information so that they feel good about their choices and will be able to gracefully accept the outcomes.

Working Relationships

For those who are fans of Sex and the City, do you remember when Samantha asked Charlotte how often she was happy in her relationship?  Well, do you remember Charlotte’s answer?  If not, here it is: “Every day. Well, not all day every day but yes, every day.”

It always makes me pause when someone says that a marriage or a relationship is hard work.  I find it odd to equate a partnership to a job.  Unless what you do for money is your dream job, I seriously doubt that going to another pointless meeting at work is comparable to having a conversation with your loved one. 

I have to imagine that if you are happy in your relationship, you probably aren’t going to refer to it as hard work.  I have found that happiness makes me value what I have.  Happy people don’t generally trudge through things because it’s their job.  They usually just naturally resolve conflict and go about their day, staying positive and holding high the values of what they cherish in their lives.

Are there hard times in relationships?  Sure.  But is getting through those times considered “work”?  For that matter, if the hard times are considered “work”, should we start calling the good times “vacations”?

Maybe it’s just the negative connotation about the terminology that bothers me. Now, I’ve been divorced, so I understand that relationships aren’t perfect.  In fact, there were a few people who uttered the “marriage is hard work” to me during that specific time.  But even then, I didn’t think of my failing marriage as work, or even as something that needed to be “worked on”.  In my mind, we were just two people who weren’t ultimately compatible.  Period.  End of story.  Some relationships are successful and some aren’t.  So, when a relationship becomes “work”, is it healthy for the two people who are involved?

I think this fictitious “relationships are hard work” mantra permits couples to dismiss their issues, because it allows for excuses like, “well, everyone works at their marriage”.  And if everyone does it, then it’s normal, right? 

But let’s really get down to it. What exactly is this “work” that everyone is talking about? 

In the “marriage takes effort” camp, things like communication, being nice to each other, being thoughtful, being considerate and being affectionate are all considered things that require work when you have been in a relationship for a long time.  But when you really take a deeper look -shouldn’t we be doing these things on a daily basis as adults anyway-just to be good human beings, regardless of whether or not you are in a relationship?  Do these simplicities really require effort?  Is it “work” to just say how you feel in order to communicate?  Is it “work” to accept a hug or a butt squeeze from your husband or wife?  Is it “work” to send a love text on your lunch hour to let your lover know you are thinking about him/her?   If it is “work” for you to extend the simplest pleasures that you could possibly offer the one you love, maybe you should consider being single for a while until you can do some “work” on yourself.

Sorry for the bluntness, but I am now in the healthiest relationship I have ever been in, and this concept obviously upsets me, mostly because I think it is a cop out.  When I think about all of the aspects of my current relationship, both the good and the bad, the term “work” never pops into my head.  Here are some of the things we do successfully without “working at it”.

1. We communicate.  And when we don’t agree on something, we don’t “go to work”.  We listen, we accept what the other person is saying, and then we let go and move on.  And yes, sometimes, we agree to disagree and leave it at that.  But having a conversation, no matter how heated it gets, is not work-it’s just talking.
2. We are affectionate all of the time-not because it is the obligatory thing to do when you are in a partnership, but because we love each other so much that we can’t help ourselves.  Yes, we are that annoying couple who can’t help touching, hugging or kissing no matter where we are.  Is this work?  No, not even when we have long tiring days.  There are no excuses for lack of affection. Showing affection, even if it is just holding hands, is the easiest “job”in the world.
3. We are thoughtful of each other’s needs.  We both do small things to let the other one know that we are thinking about each other every day.  Is it work to remember the person you share your life with?  No.  It’s natural to want to make the people in your life happy, isn’t it? 
4. We are supportive of each other’s decisions, even if it’s not the decision that we think is best for the other person.  Is this work?  Absolutely not!  It’s a desire to see your partner happy and at their best.
5. What we have is easy.  Nothing is forced.  Nothing is bottled up.  Nothing is hidden. We are passionate about our lives together.   We are a strong couple because we don’t look at our weaknesses as hard work. 

Feeling happy and fulfilled with another human being might not be the norm anymore, which may be why so many people consider their relationships to be a second job.  Maybe what I have is extremely rare.  I find that to be a bit sad if it is true. I have no choice but to think that if a relationship can’t be natural, and it’s constantly a struggle, and you are consistently “working hard” at something, what is the point?  I know there will be people who will pass judgment and tell a divorced person that they didn’t “work” hard enough.  There will be people who think that relationships will fail if you don’t work at them. 

But my thoughts on this topic will not be swayed.

Another way to look at it is like this- at the end of a long day at the office, why should anyone come home, only to have to go back to work with their partners?  I don’t think that the success of a relationship is determined by how much work you put into it.  I think success as a couple is determined by what is already there.

*This piece was featured on BlogHer on April 10, 2015.

To Quit or Not to Quit

Nobody likes a quitter, right?  As the old adage says, quitters never win.  But what about quitting while you’re ahead?  Is there ever a time when quitting is a better decision than sticking something out?

As the end of the school year approaches, my girls tend to experience what I call year-end burnout.  Last year, around this time, both of my girls were Girl Scouts and were begging me to quit.  The year before, my oldest was taking swim class and had enough.  The year before that it was horse riding lessons.  I didn’t let them quit.  I told them that these are all things they wanted to try, and because they asked to be a part of something, they needed to finish it.  I made sure that they were aware that they didn’t have to continue once the season or class was over, but they did have to finish what they started. 

More recently, my oldest has been complaining about the book club that she is in.  The club meets twice a month, and she has to read two books a month.  It doesn’t sound like much, but when you add in school work and the theatre class that she is taking, her schedule can be a bit overwhelming.  However, I don’t know if quitting is the answer, especially since there is only about three months left.  But the issue is that she is being much more persistent about quitting than ever before.  She literally hates the book club and is falling behind in the club’s reading assignments.  And although I think that the year-end burnout is partly to blame, I can tell that she is done and most likely isn’t going to add anything of value to the club.

So, here is my dilemma.  I’ve never allowed my girls to quit anything before.  And I have given them the “you’ll be letting your team down if you quit” lecture.  But another truth is-isn’t it okay to quit something that is making you miserable?  How do I tell my children to strive for happiness, but then tell them that they can’t quit doing something that makes them unhappy?  Not to mention, people quit jobs, relationships, hobbies to pursue other things that can make them happier.  I don’t think I know one person who hasn’t quit something (or given up on something or someone) in their lifespan.  Even though it is always associated with a negative result, quitting is actually a part of life.  And maybe if you are someone who quits everything all of the time, I can see how it could be a terrible thing.  However, my children are young (seven and ten years old), and they are still trying things out.  They are going to be “finding themselves” well into their twenties.  Quitting might not always be the best choice, and may not result in happiness.  Quitting may teach them the lessons related to actions and consequences.  But it also might move them onto things they may never have started had they not quit. 

I know it sounds like I am being an advocate for quitting. And I assure you that I am not.  It’s just that this is the first time I have ever sat down and really thought about it.  I don’t think quitting should be the “go-to” solution for problems.  It really should be the last resort.  But I also don’t think that it deserves the negative connotation and shame that comes along with giving up on something.  From personal experience, I know that there are some benefits to letting something go. 

As I end this blog post, I am still unsure about what I am going to do with the book club decision for my daughter.  I hate how sad and stressed this is making her.  And because she isn’t part of a team, this really is more of a personal decision, which is making me lean towards letting her quit.  I have also thought about letting her quit, but then giving her a strong warning about being sure about something before committing to it.  But that opens up a whole different can of worms.  If I tell her that she has to be more calculated about committing to something, will that lead to commitment issues in her future?  You can see where this is going.

Because they are still young, my decisions are their decisions and choosing the right path while teaching them a life lesson is not always easy.  And the thing I keep thinking about is that I am agonizing over this small thing-a book club.  As they grow older, the subject matter will only get more complicated and harder to navigate with just pure logic and a dash of hope that they will make good choices.  So, the question in this case is-when it comes to your children, if you can’t have both, what is more important-the lessons or their happiness?

This piece was published on Mamalode on April 2, 2015.

Work From Home Mom

“Yeah, but you don’t have to sit in traffic, so it doesn’t count.”

“You must love spending all of that time with your children.”

“It must be nice to have such a flexible schedule.”

“It must be nice to be in your pajamas all day.”

These are just a few of the comments I have heard over the years when I tell people that I work from home.  While some of the above comments may have a bit of truth to them, depending on the job you have as a work-at-home parent, they are still a bit insulting.  All four of those comments completely diminish how hard I work at my job.  It’s almost as if the person saying them is saying, “Yeah, I know you work really hard.  Wink, wink.”  Call me a work dork, but I am proud of what I accomplish at work.  So, passive aggressive comments that insinuate that I don’t work that hard because I’m not physically in an office are actually pretty offensive.  There are tons of mommy wars between stay-at-home moms and working moms, and I don’t really want to be a part of those wars, but what about the work- at-home mom? 

Don’t get me wrong-there are some really wonderful benefits to working from home, such as being able to start dinner immediately after work, rather than making a meal after sitting in an hour’s worth of traffic.  There is also the awesome ability to drop my girls off at their nightly activities like gymnastics or theatre, rather than constantly missing things like that because I get home from work too late.  There is also the fabulousness of living in Florida, rather than in the Northeast where our home office is.  Looking out my windows and seeing sunshine and palm trees each day does wonders for my mood if I’m having a stressful moment.  Having access to food in my kitchen, rather than on-the-go meals makes having healthier breakfasts or lunches a possibility.  Having peace and quiet also plays a huge role in my productivity.  I don’t have anyone standing over my shoulder waiting for me to finish up on what I’m doing so that they can be next in line to ask me to do something else (yes…this really happens in an office environment).  I also don’t have any office chatter going on all around me, or various smells of random lunches being heated in the microwave (don’t you hate when people bring fish into the office?).  So, yes, there is an ample amount of reasons why working from home is great.  This blog post is not meant as a place to complain about working from home.  I simply want to inform people that my job isn’t fluff.  It’s hard, and the work I do matters just as much as if I were in a physical office. 

Usually upon learning that I work from home, most people assume that I have a sales or consultant-like type of job where I make my own schedule.  This is completely not the case.  I don’t have scheduled hours, but I typically work from 8am to around 5, 6 or 7pm.  Sometimes, I stop working at 5pm, only to go back a few hours later.  My schedule depends on what is needed at work, and I am on call pretty much all of the time.  Just as people who physically go into the office every day, I don’t work around my life.  My life works around my job.  And I don’t say that in a negative way.  I am just trying to explain to those who think my life is easy peasy, that working from home has the same requirements as working in the office.  And if you are neurotic like I am, it can sometimes be even worse.

While working from home definitely has its benefits, one of the biggest pitfalls, in my opinion, is my fear of not being readily available when someone needs me, which makes me feel guilty about taking breaks.  Over the last year, I have forced myself to start taking breaks, but that is a whole different topic (hmm…maybe even something to consider for my next blog post).  Another pitfall is getting lost in the weeds.  Working from home makes networking and reaching out to team members, business partners or clients essential.  You need to remind them that you are there because you aren’t a physical presence in the office.  Because I worked in the office prior to telecommuting, I’ve never had a huge issue with this because most people know who I am.  But it’s still important, especially when dealing with new faces, to introduce yourself via phone call and explain what it is that you do and how your role can benefit them.  It is also really important to speak up during conference calls, because experience has shown me that if you aren’t in the room, people almost always forget that you’re there.

Working from home also requires a ton of discipline. If you aren’t paranoid like me, then sure, throwing a load of laundry in the wash at lunchtime isn’t a terrible thing.  But if you don’t have much self-control, or if you are a social media junkie, or if you are susceptible to ADHD-like behaviors, you might want to nix the idea of working from home. Staying focused is imperative and distractions can be more amplified when you are alone in your own home.

A note to those who think I sit around watching movies with my children all day, this is also not the case.  My children have never known a life where I went to work in an office.  I have worked from home since my oldest daughter was about two years old.  So, if they are home while I am still working, they know that they are never to enter my room.  They also know that they aren’t allowed to yell or scream.  The term “inside voices” has a completely different meaning in my home during my work hours.  From the time they get home from school, they are aware that they need to do their homework, make themselves a snack and fend for themselves until I open my door.  Granted, I have really amazing children who have never caused me a moment of stress when it comes to working while they are in the house.  I am never worried that they are going to barge in while I am on a conference all, or that they will start playing the tambourine while I am in the middle of doing something that requires my complete attention.  But I also attribute that to the fact that this lifestyle and my expectations of their behavior while I am “at work” have been ingrained in them from a very young age.  They truly don’t know anything else. 

Having said all of that, the point of this blog post is this- the next time someone tells you that they work from home, don’t automatically assume that it is luxurious or that they have it easy.  Flippant comments that might not mean any harm may actually wind up coming off as hurtful.  I promise you that we work just as hard as those who commute to an office, we truly value our work, and for the record, we don’t sit around all day in our pajamas eating bon-bons.

Universal Studios, Orlando Florida

Two weekends ago, our family went on our first mini-vacation of the year.  We spent three spectacular days at the Hard Rock Hotel at Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida.  First off, the hotel is gorgeous and a huge bonus is that it is a pet-friendly hotel, so we were able to bring our 70 pound lab along with us.  In that regard, they have a very nice section for dogs, and the check-in attendant gave us a room on the first floor that was right around the corner from the dog walking area. 

We didn’t hit the parks on the first day.  Instead, we explored the hotel and we grabbed dinner at The Kitchen, which is a restaurant in the Hard Rock Hotel.  The food was fair and a bit overpriced, but that is to be expected when dining onsite.  The waiter was very friendly and gave us complimentary soup, as well as complimentary cookies for the girls. 

Since staying at the hotel also qualifies guests to receive free Express Pass tickets for Universal, we decided to collect our tickets after dinner.  The kiosks for the passes are located in the main lobby and only take a few minutes to process.  The passes really did make a difference with regards to the amount of time we would have spent waiting in lines the entire weekend, so I definitely recommend getting them.  The only downer is that for some of the best rides and attractions at Universal and Islands of Adventure, the Express Passes aren’t valid.  Just be sure to check for the Express Pass icons on the guide map prior to entering the parks so that you are aware of which rides participate in the Express Pass program.

The next day, armed with our tickets, we woke early and headed to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.  We are all avid Harry Potter fans, so it was hard to contain our excitement.  The Harry Potter World in Islands of Adventure opened early to guests of the hotel, so we took advantage of that time by exploring Hogsmeade, riding the Hippogriff coaster…twice, and taking a visit to Hogwarts.  The small details of the Harry Potter sections were extremely impressive.  The Hogwarts Express train was an amazing experience!  At one point, the dementors came aboard the train, and the air got colder.  It was a very small detail, but also a very important one for those who really love the Harry Potter series.  Also, in the bathrooms, you can hear Moaning Murtle!  We also got to try Harry, Ron & Hermione’s favorite drink -Butter Beer, which tasted like a mix between cream soda and butterscotch candy. 

Our hotel stay also included a breakfast at the Leaky Cauldron in Diagon Alley.  Due to the small size of the restaurant, I would strongly recommend reservations.  The food was fair, but the experience is really what you pay for.  The décor was similar to that in the movie and my girls really loved it. 

Exiting the Leaky Cauldron leads you back into Diagon Alley, where every 15-20 minutes, the dragon sitting atop Gringotts Bank spews fire out into the crowd.  It was one of the most amazing features of Diagon Alley. We went on Harry Potter and the Escape from Gringotts, which is a fabulous 3D coaster ride that puts you face to face with Voldemort and Bellatrix.  My youngest, who is seven and about four feet tall, absolutely loved this ride! 

Once the ride was finished, we went to Olivanders wand shop.  We saw the wand show, where a member of the audience gets to try out some wands.   The show only lasts about 10 minutes, so if you have time and the line is short, go check it out!  Olivanders sells the wands of each character in the Harry Potter series.  Although they are expensive, they also sell interactive wands that are really a great feature to offer for the kids.  I bought each of my girls a wand, and they were able to cast spells that really worked just as long as they were in either Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley. 

In addition to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, we also were able to get back to the hotel each afternoon for some relaxation.  The pool at the Hard Rock Hotel was heated, which was welcoming due to a “cold front” that had moved into Florida over that weekend.  A really cool feature of the pool is that they have speakers under the water, so you can hear the music while swimming.  The music isn’t all that clear unless you are near one of the underwater speakers, but it really made my girls happy.  There is also a sand beach around the pool as well.  And surprisingly, the pool was very clean and seemed sand free.  There is a water slide for the kids, as well as some water fountain areas and a toddler pool for smaller children.  Sunday was quiet, but on Friday and Saturday, there was some sort of entertainment for both children and adults at the pool throughout the day.  They also have movies at the pool after dinner.  If I have to complain about anything, it is that the hot tub was always crowded with unsupervised children.  At one point, some of the kids were playing a game and trying to jump into the hot tub from certain distances.  This went on for quite a while and there were no parents or lifeguards around to stop them.  Other than that, the hotel was perfect, and I would definitely stay there again.

On Saturday night, we braved City Walk for dinner.  Let me just say that City Walk at dinnertime was more crowded than either of the parks were throughout the entire time we were there.  It was almost impossible to stay together.  And to be honest, I don’t understand the draw.  It’s just restaurants and shopping.  But I just wanted to put it out there that it was a nightmare to navigate through, especially after a long day at the parks.   So, just a tip based on my experience, if you have a family with young ones who are cranky from walking all day long, I would definitely recommend grabbing dinner somewhere else.

We spent the next day exploring the parks outside of the Harry Potter areas.  We went to the Dr. Seuss area, the Jurassic Park area, and we also got to experience some of the amazing attractions such as Minion Mayhem, The Mummy, Transformers and Disaster.  We also got to see the Shrek 4D movie, as well as the Animal Actors on Location show.   Even though I am more of a Disney person, Universal really has done an incredible job with their parks.  There are some pitfalls that everyone going to the Universal parks should be aware of (listed below), but I don’t think any of these should be reasons to disregard Universal.  In fact, I really can’t wait to return when my youngest (the daredevil of the family) gets a little bit taller so that she can ride all of the great coasters!

Here are some of the pitfalls:

1.        Some attractions in the park aren’t opened at the same time that the park opens.  For example, the park opened at 9am each day, but the Jurassic Park Discovery Center didn’t open until 10am.  I find this a bit odd, especially if you happen to have done all of the rides in that area.  You are then stuck waiting for something to open, or you have to just skip it.

2.       Because of the early admission offered by the hotel, you need to show proof at the entrance that you are, in fact, staying at one of the participating hotels.  This wasn’t an issue.  However, once we got in the park, we were again asked to show our room keys to get on the rides.  It was cumbersome to continually have to get out our room keys, especially when we already showed them at the front gate in order to get access to the park. 

3.       Staying at the Hard Rock, Loews Portofino Bay, or Loews Royal Pacific resorts includes early admission to the parks.  However, the only part of the park that is opened for early admission is the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in the Island of Adventure.

4.       As I stated earlier, not all rides accept the Express Pass, so plan accordingly.

Overall, this was a great vacation to start our year off.  If I had to do it again, I would purchase an extra day at the parks, as we only had the 2-day multi-park passes.  Even though we saw everything we wanted to see, and even got to do some things twice, I really wish we could have seen a few more shows, tried a few other rides and just got a chance to leisurely explore the park a little bit more.  Having said that, our first mini vacation was a huge success!  We really did have a lot of fun, and the girls’ smiles throughout the entire trip made it all worth it!  And to make it even better, even though two weeks have passed, the girls are still talking about it! This is definitely something I think we will all remember for a very long time.

Back to Basics

I used to have a pure love for running.  After a knee injury, I attempted road cycling, and by my standards, I failed miserably.   I wanted to love cycling in the same way that I cherished running.  I wanted cycling to be my stress relief, my “me time”, my escape.  But it wasn’t. Very recently, I purchased a gorgeous 2015 Cannondale carbon fiber road bike in hopes that it would make my journey easier.  It did the exact opposite.  It made me more competitive with myself and more frustrated by the fact that I haven’t yet aced the sport.  Due to my fear of clipless pedals, cycling became the most stressful part of my day.  Not only was I comparing it to running, I also kept dwelling on the negatives like how fast I was going, how unsafe it was, how cars don’t care about running cyclists off the road, how small the bike lanes are, how to clip in and out of my pedals faster, how to not crash into the runner who decided to use the bike lanes.  I thought about the injuries that most cyclists come across at one time or another and how those injuries could possibly affect other things that I enjoy in my life.   The negativity in my head won.  To say I am disappointed in myself as a cyclist is an understatement.  I wanted so badly to be a bad ass biker chick-and not the Harley kind where the motor does the work for you.  Even though I completed a half century ride (50 miles) on a MOUNTAIN bike, it wasn’t good enough.  I still wanted to be the chick that rides a full century and doesn’t sweat it.  And that’s when I realized something.  I have been putting way too much pressure on myself to be this bike star.  And then I realized that this is a pattern, because I also did the same thing with running. 

I’ve been running for roughly seven years.  Prior to that, I was an on-again/off-again runner.  When I moved to Florida, I became more serious about it.  And by serious, I mean that it became a part of my daily routine.  About a year after I moved here, I started looking for other ladies I could possibly run with because it got lonely sometimes.  I decided to join MRTT (shout out to MRTT Sebastian chapter).  Moms Run This Town is a local organization of amazing, supportive women who enjoyed running just as much as I did. 

Now, before I go any further, when I first joined, I knew nothing about running terminology.  I literally had a 2^nd generation IPod shuffle and an old pair of running sneakers.  When I ran, it was just me, my music and the road.  I remember meeting the MRTT ladies for the first time at the 4^th of July 5K race in town.  It felt so good to show up and to be a part of something.  When the race was finished, I remember the group leader asking me what my finishing time was.  I just shrugged my shoulders because I really had no clue, and said that I was a pretty slow runner.  I didn’t pay attention to the clock and I didn’t have any gear to let me know anything.  She mentioned something about a “PR”, and I felt like an idiot because I had to ask her what it meant.  I was obviously a running novice, but the group was so supportive and didn’t make me feel bad about my lack of knowledge (or lack of tech gear for that matter).  Over time, the group unintentionally introduced me to a whole new world of running.  I got new shoes that were lighter and a smartphone app that would track my time.  I started paying attention to how fast I could run each mile.  I started pushing myself to run longer, harder, faster.  And with the encouragement from this wonderful group of women, I signed up and completed my first half marathon.  My time was 2:22, which I was and still am very proud of. 

After a few months of not racing, I decided to start training to run 26.2 miles.  Now, I didn’t say marathon because I didn’t sign up for a race.  I just decided that I was going to run the 26.2 locally by myself.  There would be no medals or fanfare at the end of it all.  I was doing it for the challenge.  I trained for a few weeks, up until I got to my Sunday eight mile long run, and that’s when my knee gave out.  The pain was excruciating, but I tried to run through it.  When I couldn’t, and when I realized that even walking was painful, I knew it was serious enough to put my 26.2 goal on hold.  I was devastated mostly because I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to complete my goal.  But that’s the issue- rather than being disappointed about my inability to run, I was more disappointed about not reaching my goal.  The love I had for running, all of those years ago when all I had was my little clip on IPod shuffle, had seemed to be replaced by something else.  I was more concerned with my times, my distances and being able to tell the world that I had completed a marathon.  Running, but not the love of it, consumed me.  I have a wonderful fiancé and two awesome daughters, yet during that time, running was the first thing I thought about when I woke up in the morning.  And I would keep thinking about it until I completed my run.  And even after I got my daily run in, I would think about how I could have done better.  I didn’t think rest days were necessary.   I worried about where I could fit my training into my already busy schedule.  I longed for the most expensive Garmin running watch and the most expensive Brooks sneakers money could buy.  I was obsessed.  And the sad part is that I started losing the feeling I had at the very beginning, when I didn’t know what a PR was, and when I would sing along with my music at the top of my lungs as I ran because it was so much fun.  I zapped the enjoyment out of it because, as I discovered recently with cycling, I was being too hard on myself.  I was expecting the best, but missing the point.  My truth is that I will never be an Olympic runner.  I also will never ride in the Tour de France.  So, why not just sit back and enjoy it?  Why all of the pressure?  Why not celebrate the simple fact that I’m outside doing something active?  Goals and challenges are great to a certain extent.  But for me, it’s just not worth it if my entire focus is on the wrong things. 

I have just recently started dabbling back into the running arena, only two miles at a time.  I am nervous to go any further than that because, for some reason, the two mile marker is usually when my knee starts hurting.  So, I’ve decided that running “only two miles” at a much slower pace than I used to run is still pretty damn fantastic.  My intention is to upload some new tunes on my old IPod shuffle and to forget about the clock, my splits, running apps and the distances that I was once capable of running.  My intention is to stop beating myself up and to bring back the fun that made me start running in the first place.  Maybe one day, I will even be able to run the 26.2 miles.  Or maybe one day, I will clip into those bike pedals and ride a century with the big boys.  And if I do, I truly hope that all I will need is a great playlist in my ears and a smile on my face.

As for now, I will get back to the basics and do what I can, as long as my true love of the sport isn’t compromised.  And, just in case you were wondering, I am happy to say that my family has replaced running as the first thing I think about every morning.

Project Repat

Let me start by saying that I’ve always wanted a t-shirt quilt.  At one point, I even thought I would take a quilting class just so that I could try to make one on my own.  That idea quickly fizzled.  Luckily for me, I recently found an affordable way to have my coveted t-shirt quilt made!  While I know that there are plenty of similar businesses out there who can turn your t-shirts into snuggable blankets of memories, if you are in the market for a t-shirt quilt, I urge you to choose Project Repat. 

The product is remarkable, and I’ll get to that shortly, but it’s truly the organization that is most impressive.  

The brand name “repat” actually stands for repatriate, which means to return to the country of origin.  One of the major goals of this little-engine-that-could organization was to help bring back textile jobs to the United States, while also allowing our citizens to work for a fair wage and full benefits.  In addition to this feat, each yard of the PolarTec fleece used for the backs of these blankets is made out of twenty-three recycled plastic bottles.  So not only is this company helping with job creation in our country, they are also helping our environment in the process.

As for the blanket, what can I say?  It is so much better than I thought it would be!  It’s soft, comfortable, and the quality is outstanding.  I chose to use some of my favorite running shirts to pay homage to my running days.  Seeing my racing and training shirts together made me so proud of my accomplishments!  The sentimental value of this blanket is priceless, and I couldn’t be more thankful to Project Repat for being so careful with all of my memories. 

I chose a lap size blanket, which contains 16 panels, in the standard 12x12 panel size.  The fleece backing comes in multiple colors such as magenta, red, black, gray and blue.  The price for this size is $74.99.  There are also twin, full, queen and king sizes available that range from $109.99-$239.99 (if using the standard size panels).  I think the prices are really affordable for the quality product that you receive.  Not to mention, you are helping a fellow American out by purchasing from Project Repat.

These t-shirt quilts make very unique gifts!  Please feel free to use my 15% discount code “repatfriend” when ordering yours!

As always, thanks for reading!  Please go check out the Project Repat web site!  

http://www.projectrepat.com/

Disclaimer: I was provided with a free product in return for my honest review. All thoughts and opinions expressed here are my own and not influenced by the developing company or any of its affiliates.