Working Relationships

For those who are fans of Sex and the City, do you remember when Samantha asked Charlotte how often she was happy in her relationship?  Well, do you remember Charlotte’s answer?  If not, here it is: “Every day. Well, not all day every day but yes, every day.”

It always makes me pause when someone says that a marriage or a relationship is hard work.  I find it odd to equate a partnership to a job.  Unless what you do for money is your dream job, I seriously doubt that going to another pointless meeting at work is comparable to having a conversation with your loved one. 

I have to imagine that if you are happy in your relationship, you probably aren’t going to refer to it as hard work.  I have found that happiness makes me value what I have.  Happy people don’t generally trudge through things because it’s their job.  They usually just naturally resolve conflict and go about their day, staying positive and holding high the values of what they cherish in their lives.

Are there hard times in relationships?  Sure.  But is getting through those times considered “work”?  For that matter, if the hard times are considered “work”, should we start calling the good times “vacations”?

Maybe it’s just the negative connotation about the terminology that bothers me. Now, I’ve been divorced, so I understand that relationships aren’t perfect.  In fact, there were a few people who uttered the “marriage is hard work” to me during that specific time.  But even then, I didn’t think of my failing marriage as work, or even as something that needed to be “worked on”.  In my mind, we were just two people who weren’t ultimately compatible.  Period.  End of story.  Some relationships are successful and some aren’t.  So, when a relationship becomes “work”, is it healthy for the two people who are involved?

I think this fictitious “relationships are hard work” mantra permits couples to dismiss their issues, because it allows for excuses like, “well, everyone works at their marriage”.  And if everyone does it, then it’s normal, right? 

But let’s really get down to it. What exactly is this “work” that everyone is talking about? 

In the “marriage takes effort” camp, things like communication, being nice to each other, being thoughtful, being considerate and being affectionate are all considered things that require work when you have been in a relationship for a long time.  But when you really take a deeper look -shouldn’t we be doing these things on a daily basis as adults anyway-just to be good human beings, regardless of whether or not you are in a relationship?  Do these simplicities really require effort?  Is it “work” to just say how you feel in order to communicate?  Is it “work” to accept a hug or a butt squeeze from your husband or wife?  Is it “work” to send a love text on your lunch hour to let your lover know you are thinking about him/her?   If it is “work” for you to extend the simplest pleasures that you could possibly offer the one you love, maybe you should consider being single for a while until you can do some “work” on yourself.

Sorry for the bluntness, but I am now in the healthiest relationship I have ever been in, and this concept obviously upsets me, mostly because I think it is a cop out.  When I think about all of the aspects of my current relationship, both the good and the bad, the term “work” never pops into my head.  Here are some of the things we do successfully without “working at it”.

1. We communicate.  And when we don’t agree on something, we don’t “go to work”.  We listen, we accept what the other person is saying, and then we let go and move on.  And yes, sometimes, we agree to disagree and leave it at that.  But having a conversation, no matter how heated it gets, is not work-it’s just talking.
2. We are affectionate all of the time-not because it is the obligatory thing to do when you are in a partnership, but because we love each other so much that we can’t help ourselves.  Yes, we are that annoying couple who can’t help touching, hugging or kissing no matter where we are.  Is this work?  No, not even when we have long tiring days.  There are no excuses for lack of affection. Showing affection, even if it is just holding hands, is the easiest “job”in the world.
3. We are thoughtful of each other’s needs.  We both do small things to let the other one know that we are thinking about each other every day.  Is it work to remember the person you share your life with?  No.  It’s natural to want to make the people in your life happy, isn’t it? 
4. We are supportive of each other’s decisions, even if it’s not the decision that we think is best for the other person.  Is this work?  Absolutely not!  It’s a desire to see your partner happy and at their best.
5. What we have is easy.  Nothing is forced.  Nothing is bottled up.  Nothing is hidden. We are passionate about our lives together.   We are a strong couple because we don’t look at our weaknesses as hard work. 

Feeling happy and fulfilled with another human being might not be the norm anymore, which may be why so many people consider their relationships to be a second job.  Maybe what I have is extremely rare.  I find that to be a bit sad if it is true. I have no choice but to think that if a relationship can’t be natural, and it’s constantly a struggle, and you are consistently “working hard” at something, what is the point?  I know there will be people who will pass judgment and tell a divorced person that they didn’t “work” hard enough.  There will be people who think that relationships will fail if you don’t work at them. 

But my thoughts on this topic will not be swayed.

Another way to look at it is like this- at the end of a long day at the office, why should anyone come home, only to have to go back to work with their partners?  I don’t think that the success of a relationship is determined by how much work you put into it.  I think success as a couple is determined by what is already there.

*This piece was featured on BlogHer on April 10, 2015.

To Quit or Not to Quit

Nobody likes a quitter, right?  As the old adage says, quitters never win.  But what about quitting while you’re ahead?  Is there ever a time when quitting is a better decision than sticking something out?

As the end of the school year approaches, my girls tend to experience what I call year-end burnout.  Last year, around this time, both of my girls were Girl Scouts and were begging me to quit.  The year before, my oldest was taking swim class and had enough.  The year before that it was horse riding lessons.  I didn’t let them quit.  I told them that these are all things they wanted to try, and because they asked to be a part of something, they needed to finish it.  I made sure that they were aware that they didn’t have to continue once the season or class was over, but they did have to finish what they started. 

More recently, my oldest has been complaining about the book club that she is in.  The club meets twice a month, and she has to read two books a month.  It doesn’t sound like much, but when you add in school work and the theatre class that she is taking, her schedule can be a bit overwhelming.  However, I don’t know if quitting is the answer, especially since there is only about three months left.  But the issue is that she is being much more persistent about quitting than ever before.  She literally hates the book club and is falling behind in the club’s reading assignments.  And although I think that the year-end burnout is partly to blame, I can tell that she is done and most likely isn’t going to add anything of value to the club.

So, here is my dilemma.  I’ve never allowed my girls to quit anything before.  And I have given them the “you’ll be letting your team down if you quit” lecture.  But another truth is-isn’t it okay to quit something that is making you miserable?  How do I tell my children to strive for happiness, but then tell them that they can’t quit doing something that makes them unhappy?  Not to mention, people quit jobs, relationships, hobbies to pursue other things that can make them happier.  I don’t think I know one person who hasn’t quit something (or given up on something or someone) in their lifespan.  Even though it is always associated with a negative result, quitting is actually a part of life.  And maybe if you are someone who quits everything all of the time, I can see how it could be a terrible thing.  However, my children are young (seven and ten years old), and they are still trying things out.  They are going to be “finding themselves” well into their twenties.  Quitting might not always be the best choice, and may not result in happiness.  Quitting may teach them the lessons related to actions and consequences.  But it also might move them onto things they may never have started had they not quit. 

I know it sounds like I am being an advocate for quitting. And I assure you that I am not.  It’s just that this is the first time I have ever sat down and really thought about it.  I don’t think quitting should be the “go-to” solution for problems.  It really should be the last resort.  But I also don’t think that it deserves the negative connotation and shame that comes along with giving up on something.  From personal experience, I know that there are some benefits to letting something go. 

As I end this blog post, I am still unsure about what I am going to do with the book club decision for my daughter.  I hate how sad and stressed this is making her.  And because she isn’t part of a team, this really is more of a personal decision, which is making me lean towards letting her quit.  I have also thought about letting her quit, but then giving her a strong warning about being sure about something before committing to it.  But that opens up a whole different can of worms.  If I tell her that she has to be more calculated about committing to something, will that lead to commitment issues in her future?  You can see where this is going.

Because they are still young, my decisions are their decisions and choosing the right path while teaching them a life lesson is not always easy.  And the thing I keep thinking about is that I am agonizing over this small thing-a book club.  As they grow older, the subject matter will only get more complicated and harder to navigate with just pure logic and a dash of hope that they will make good choices.  So, the question in this case is-when it comes to your children, if you can’t have both, what is more important-the lessons or their happiness?

This piece was published on Mamalode on April 2, 2015.

Work From Home Mom

“Yeah, but you don’t have to sit in traffic, so it doesn’t count.”

“You must love spending all of that time with your children.”

“It must be nice to have such a flexible schedule.”

“It must be nice to be in your pajamas all day.”

These are just a few of the comments I have heard over the years when I tell people that I work from home.  While some of the above comments may have a bit of truth to them, depending on the job you have as a work-at-home parent, they are still a bit insulting.  All four of those comments completely diminish how hard I work at my job.  It’s almost as if the person saying them is saying, “Yeah, I know you work really hard.  Wink, wink.”  Call me a work dork, but I am proud of what I accomplish at work.  So, passive aggressive comments that insinuate that I don’t work that hard because I’m not physically in an office are actually pretty offensive.  There are tons of mommy wars between stay-at-home moms and working moms, and I don’t really want to be a part of those wars, but what about the work- at-home mom? 

Don’t get me wrong-there are some really wonderful benefits to working from home, such as being able to start dinner immediately after work, rather than making a meal after sitting in an hour’s worth of traffic.  There is also the awesome ability to drop my girls off at their nightly activities like gymnastics or theatre, rather than constantly missing things like that because I get home from work too late.  There is also the fabulousness of living in Florida, rather than in the Northeast where our home office is.  Looking out my windows and seeing sunshine and palm trees each day does wonders for my mood if I’m having a stressful moment.  Having access to food in my kitchen, rather than on-the-go meals makes having healthier breakfasts or lunches a possibility.  Having peace and quiet also plays a huge role in my productivity.  I don’t have anyone standing over my shoulder waiting for me to finish up on what I’m doing so that they can be next in line to ask me to do something else (yes…this really happens in an office environment).  I also don’t have any office chatter going on all around me, or various smells of random lunches being heated in the microwave (don’t you hate when people bring fish into the office?).  So, yes, there is an ample amount of reasons why working from home is great.  This blog post is not meant as a place to complain about working from home.  I simply want to inform people that my job isn’t fluff.  It’s hard, and the work I do matters just as much as if I were in a physical office. 

Usually upon learning that I work from home, most people assume that I have a sales or consultant-like type of job where I make my own schedule.  This is completely not the case.  I don’t have scheduled hours, but I typically work from 8am to around 5, 6 or 7pm.  Sometimes, I stop working at 5pm, only to go back a few hours later.  My schedule depends on what is needed at work, and I am on call pretty much all of the time.  Just as people who physically go into the office every day, I don’t work around my life.  My life works around my job.  And I don’t say that in a negative way.  I am just trying to explain to those who think my life is easy peasy, that working from home has the same requirements as working in the office.  And if you are neurotic like I am, it can sometimes be even worse.

While working from home definitely has its benefits, one of the biggest pitfalls, in my opinion, is my fear of not being readily available when someone needs me, which makes me feel guilty about taking breaks.  Over the last year, I have forced myself to start taking breaks, but that is a whole different topic (hmm…maybe even something to consider for my next blog post).  Another pitfall is getting lost in the weeds.  Working from home makes networking and reaching out to team members, business partners or clients essential.  You need to remind them that you are there because you aren’t a physical presence in the office.  Because I worked in the office prior to telecommuting, I’ve never had a huge issue with this because most people know who I am.  But it’s still important, especially when dealing with new faces, to introduce yourself via phone call and explain what it is that you do and how your role can benefit them.  It is also really important to speak up during conference calls, because experience has shown me that if you aren’t in the room, people almost always forget that you’re there.

Working from home also requires a ton of discipline. If you aren’t paranoid like me, then sure, throwing a load of laundry in the wash at lunchtime isn’t a terrible thing.  But if you don’t have much self-control, or if you are a social media junkie, or if you are susceptible to ADHD-like behaviors, you might want to nix the idea of working from home. Staying focused is imperative and distractions can be more amplified when you are alone in your own home.

A note to those who think I sit around watching movies with my children all day, this is also not the case.  My children have never known a life where I went to work in an office.  I have worked from home since my oldest daughter was about two years old.  So, if they are home while I am still working, they know that they are never to enter my room.  They also know that they aren’t allowed to yell or scream.  The term “inside voices” has a completely different meaning in my home during my work hours.  From the time they get home from school, they are aware that they need to do their homework, make themselves a snack and fend for themselves until I open my door.  Granted, I have really amazing children who have never caused me a moment of stress when it comes to working while they are in the house.  I am never worried that they are going to barge in while I am on a conference all, or that they will start playing the tambourine while I am in the middle of doing something that requires my complete attention.  But I also attribute that to the fact that this lifestyle and my expectations of their behavior while I am “at work” have been ingrained in them from a very young age.  They truly don’t know anything else. 

Having said all of that, the point of this blog post is this- the next time someone tells you that they work from home, don’t automatically assume that it is luxurious or that they have it easy.  Flippant comments that might not mean any harm may actually wind up coming off as hurtful.  I promise you that we work just as hard as those who commute to an office, we truly value our work, and for the record, we don’t sit around all day in our pajamas eating bon-bons.

Universal Studios, Orlando Florida

Two weekends ago, our family went on our first mini-vacation of the year.  We spent three spectacular days at the Hard Rock Hotel at Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida.  First off, the hotel is gorgeous and a huge bonus is that it is a pet-friendly hotel, so we were able to bring our 70 pound lab along with us.  In that regard, they have a very nice section for dogs, and the check-in attendant gave us a room on the first floor that was right around the corner from the dog walking area. 

We didn’t hit the parks on the first day.  Instead, we explored the hotel and we grabbed dinner at The Kitchen, which is a restaurant in the Hard Rock Hotel.  The food was fair and a bit overpriced, but that is to be expected when dining onsite.  The waiter was very friendly and gave us complimentary soup, as well as complimentary cookies for the girls. 

Since staying at the hotel also qualifies guests to receive free Express Pass tickets for Universal, we decided to collect our tickets after dinner.  The kiosks for the passes are located in the main lobby and only take a few minutes to process.  The passes really did make a difference with regards to the amount of time we would have spent waiting in lines the entire weekend, so I definitely recommend getting them.  The only downer is that for some of the best rides and attractions at Universal and Islands of Adventure, the Express Passes aren’t valid.  Just be sure to check for the Express Pass icons on the guide map prior to entering the parks so that you are aware of which rides participate in the Express Pass program.

The next day, armed with our tickets, we woke early and headed to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.  We are all avid Harry Potter fans, so it was hard to contain our excitement.  The Harry Potter World in Islands of Adventure opened early to guests of the hotel, so we took advantage of that time by exploring Hogsmeade, riding the Hippogriff coaster…twice, and taking a visit to Hogwarts.  The small details of the Harry Potter sections were extremely impressive.  The Hogwarts Express train was an amazing experience!  At one point, the dementors came aboard the train, and the air got colder.  It was a very small detail, but also a very important one for those who really love the Harry Potter series.  Also, in the bathrooms, you can hear Moaning Murtle!  We also got to try Harry, Ron & Hermione’s favorite drink -Butter Beer, which tasted like a mix between cream soda and butterscotch candy. 

Our hotel stay also included a breakfast at the Leaky Cauldron in Diagon Alley.  Due to the small size of the restaurant, I would strongly recommend reservations.  The food was fair, but the experience is really what you pay for.  The décor was similar to that in the movie and my girls really loved it. 

Exiting the Leaky Cauldron leads you back into Diagon Alley, where every 15-20 minutes, the dragon sitting atop Gringotts Bank spews fire out into the crowd.  It was one of the most amazing features of Diagon Alley. We went on Harry Potter and the Escape from Gringotts, which is a fabulous 3D coaster ride that puts you face to face with Voldemort and Bellatrix.  My youngest, who is seven and about four feet tall, absolutely loved this ride! 

Once the ride was finished, we went to Olivanders wand shop.  We saw the wand show, where a member of the audience gets to try out some wands.   The show only lasts about 10 minutes, so if you have time and the line is short, go check it out!  Olivanders sells the wands of each character in the Harry Potter series.  Although they are expensive, they also sell interactive wands that are really a great feature to offer for the kids.  I bought each of my girls a wand, and they were able to cast spells that really worked just as long as they were in either Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley. 

In addition to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, we also were able to get back to the hotel each afternoon for some relaxation.  The pool at the Hard Rock Hotel was heated, which was welcoming due to a “cold front” that had moved into Florida over that weekend.  A really cool feature of the pool is that they have speakers under the water, so you can hear the music while swimming.  The music isn’t all that clear unless you are near one of the underwater speakers, but it really made my girls happy.  There is also a sand beach around the pool as well.  And surprisingly, the pool was very clean and seemed sand free.  There is a water slide for the kids, as well as some water fountain areas and a toddler pool for smaller children.  Sunday was quiet, but on Friday and Saturday, there was some sort of entertainment for both children and adults at the pool throughout the day.  They also have movies at the pool after dinner.  If I have to complain about anything, it is that the hot tub was always crowded with unsupervised children.  At one point, some of the kids were playing a game and trying to jump into the hot tub from certain distances.  This went on for quite a while and there were no parents or lifeguards around to stop them.  Other than that, the hotel was perfect, and I would definitely stay there again.

On Saturday night, we braved City Walk for dinner.  Let me just say that City Walk at dinnertime was more crowded than either of the parks were throughout the entire time we were there.  It was almost impossible to stay together.  And to be honest, I don’t understand the draw.  It’s just restaurants and shopping.  But I just wanted to put it out there that it was a nightmare to navigate through, especially after a long day at the parks.   So, just a tip based on my experience, if you have a family with young ones who are cranky from walking all day long, I would definitely recommend grabbing dinner somewhere else.

We spent the next day exploring the parks outside of the Harry Potter areas.  We went to the Dr. Seuss area, the Jurassic Park area, and we also got to experience some of the amazing attractions such as Minion Mayhem, The Mummy, Transformers and Disaster.  We also got to see the Shrek 4D movie, as well as the Animal Actors on Location show.   Even though I am more of a Disney person, Universal really has done an incredible job with their parks.  There are some pitfalls that everyone going to the Universal parks should be aware of (listed below), but I don’t think any of these should be reasons to disregard Universal.  In fact, I really can’t wait to return when my youngest (the daredevil of the family) gets a little bit taller so that she can ride all of the great coasters!

Here are some of the pitfalls:

1.        Some attractions in the park aren’t opened at the same time that the park opens.  For example, the park opened at 9am each day, but the Jurassic Park Discovery Center didn’t open until 10am.  I find this a bit odd, especially if you happen to have done all of the rides in that area.  You are then stuck waiting for something to open, or you have to just skip it.

2.       Because of the early admission offered by the hotel, you need to show proof at the entrance that you are, in fact, staying at one of the participating hotels.  This wasn’t an issue.  However, once we got in the park, we were again asked to show our room keys to get on the rides.  It was cumbersome to continually have to get out our room keys, especially when we already showed them at the front gate in order to get access to the park. 

3.       Staying at the Hard Rock, Loews Portofino Bay, or Loews Royal Pacific resorts includes early admission to the parks.  However, the only part of the park that is opened for early admission is the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in the Island of Adventure.

4.       As I stated earlier, not all rides accept the Express Pass, so plan accordingly.

Overall, this was a great vacation to start our year off.  If I had to do it again, I would purchase an extra day at the parks, as we only had the 2-day multi-park passes.  Even though we saw everything we wanted to see, and even got to do some things twice, I really wish we could have seen a few more shows, tried a few other rides and just got a chance to leisurely explore the park a little bit more.  Having said that, our first mini vacation was a huge success!  We really did have a lot of fun, and the girls’ smiles throughout the entire trip made it all worth it!  And to make it even better, even though two weeks have passed, the girls are still talking about it! This is definitely something I think we will all remember for a very long time.

Back to Basics

I used to have a pure love for running.  After a knee injury, I attempted road cycling, and by my standards, I failed miserably.   I wanted to love cycling in the same way that I cherished running.  I wanted cycling to be my stress relief, my “me time”, my escape.  But it wasn’t. Very recently, I purchased a gorgeous 2015 Cannondale carbon fiber road bike in hopes that it would make my journey easier.  It did the exact opposite.  It made me more competitive with myself and more frustrated by the fact that I haven’t yet aced the sport.  Due to my fear of clipless pedals, cycling became the most stressful part of my day.  Not only was I comparing it to running, I also kept dwelling on the negatives like how fast I was going, how unsafe it was, how cars don’t care about running cyclists off the road, how small the bike lanes are, how to clip in and out of my pedals faster, how to not crash into the runner who decided to use the bike lanes.  I thought about the injuries that most cyclists come across at one time or another and how those injuries could possibly affect other things that I enjoy in my life.   The negativity in my head won.  To say I am disappointed in myself as a cyclist is an understatement.  I wanted so badly to be a bad ass biker chick-and not the Harley kind where the motor does the work for you.  Even though I completed a half century ride (50 miles) on a MOUNTAIN bike, it wasn’t good enough.  I still wanted to be the chick that rides a full century and doesn’t sweat it.  And that’s when I realized something.  I have been putting way too much pressure on myself to be this bike star.  And then I realized that this is a pattern, because I also did the same thing with running. 

I’ve been running for roughly seven years.  Prior to that, I was an on-again/off-again runner.  When I moved to Florida, I became more serious about it.  And by serious, I mean that it became a part of my daily routine.  About a year after I moved here, I started looking for other ladies I could possibly run with because it got lonely sometimes.  I decided to join MRTT (shout out to MRTT Sebastian chapter).  Moms Run This Town is a local organization of amazing, supportive women who enjoyed running just as much as I did. 

Now, before I go any further, when I first joined, I knew nothing about running terminology.  I literally had a 2^nd generation IPod shuffle and an old pair of running sneakers.  When I ran, it was just me, my music and the road.  I remember meeting the MRTT ladies for the first time at the 4^th of July 5K race in town.  It felt so good to show up and to be a part of something.  When the race was finished, I remember the group leader asking me what my finishing time was.  I just shrugged my shoulders because I really had no clue, and said that I was a pretty slow runner.  I didn’t pay attention to the clock and I didn’t have any gear to let me know anything.  She mentioned something about a “PR”, and I felt like an idiot because I had to ask her what it meant.  I was obviously a running novice, but the group was so supportive and didn’t make me feel bad about my lack of knowledge (or lack of tech gear for that matter).  Over time, the group unintentionally introduced me to a whole new world of running.  I got new shoes that were lighter and a smartphone app that would track my time.  I started paying attention to how fast I could run each mile.  I started pushing myself to run longer, harder, faster.  And with the encouragement from this wonderful group of women, I signed up and completed my first half marathon.  My time was 2:22, which I was and still am very proud of. 

After a few months of not racing, I decided to start training to run 26.2 miles.  Now, I didn’t say marathon because I didn’t sign up for a race.  I just decided that I was going to run the 26.2 locally by myself.  There would be no medals or fanfare at the end of it all.  I was doing it for the challenge.  I trained for a few weeks, up until I got to my Sunday eight mile long run, and that’s when my knee gave out.  The pain was excruciating, but I tried to run through it.  When I couldn’t, and when I realized that even walking was painful, I knew it was serious enough to put my 26.2 goal on hold.  I was devastated mostly because I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to complete my goal.  But that’s the issue- rather than being disappointed about my inability to run, I was more disappointed about not reaching my goal.  The love I had for running, all of those years ago when all I had was my little clip on IPod shuffle, had seemed to be replaced by something else.  I was more concerned with my times, my distances and being able to tell the world that I had completed a marathon.  Running, but not the love of it, consumed me.  I have a wonderful fiancé and two awesome daughters, yet during that time, running was the first thing I thought about when I woke up in the morning.  And I would keep thinking about it until I completed my run.  And even after I got my daily run in, I would think about how I could have done better.  I didn’t think rest days were necessary.   I worried about where I could fit my training into my already busy schedule.  I longed for the most expensive Garmin running watch and the most expensive Brooks sneakers money could buy.  I was obsessed.  And the sad part is that I started losing the feeling I had at the very beginning, when I didn’t know what a PR was, and when I would sing along with my music at the top of my lungs as I ran because it was so much fun.  I zapped the enjoyment out of it because, as I discovered recently with cycling, I was being too hard on myself.  I was expecting the best, but missing the point.  My truth is that I will never be an Olympic runner.  I also will never ride in the Tour de France.  So, why not just sit back and enjoy it?  Why all of the pressure?  Why not celebrate the simple fact that I’m outside doing something active?  Goals and challenges are great to a certain extent.  But for me, it’s just not worth it if my entire focus is on the wrong things. 

I have just recently started dabbling back into the running arena, only two miles at a time.  I am nervous to go any further than that because, for some reason, the two mile marker is usually when my knee starts hurting.  So, I’ve decided that running “only two miles” at a much slower pace than I used to run is still pretty damn fantastic.  My intention is to upload some new tunes on my old IPod shuffle and to forget about the clock, my splits, running apps and the distances that I was once capable of running.  My intention is to stop beating myself up and to bring back the fun that made me start running in the first place.  Maybe one day, I will even be able to run the 26.2 miles.  Or maybe one day, I will clip into those bike pedals and ride a century with the big boys.  And if I do, I truly hope that all I will need is a great playlist in my ears and a smile on my face.

As for now, I will get back to the basics and do what I can, as long as my true love of the sport isn’t compromised.  And, just in case you were wondering, I am happy to say that my family has replaced running as the first thing I think about every morning.

Project Repat

Let me start by saying that I’ve always wanted a t-shirt quilt.  At one point, I even thought I would take a quilting class just so that I could try to make one on my own.  That idea quickly fizzled.  Luckily for me, I recently found an affordable way to have my coveted t-shirt quilt made!  While I know that there are plenty of similar businesses out there who can turn your t-shirts into snuggable blankets of memories, if you are in the market for a t-shirt quilt, I urge you to choose Project Repat. 

The product is remarkable, and I’ll get to that shortly, but it’s truly the organization that is most impressive.  

The brand name “repat” actually stands for repatriate, which means to return to the country of origin.  One of the major goals of this little-engine-that-could organization was to help bring back textile jobs to the United States, while also allowing our citizens to work for a fair wage and full benefits.  In addition to this feat, each yard of the PolarTec fleece used for the backs of these blankets is made out of twenty-three recycled plastic bottles.  So not only is this company helping with job creation in our country, they are also helping our environment in the process.

As for the blanket, what can I say?  It is so much better than I thought it would be!  It’s soft, comfortable, and the quality is outstanding.  I chose to use some of my favorite running shirts to pay homage to my running days.  Seeing my racing and training shirts together made me so proud of my accomplishments!  The sentimental value of this blanket is priceless, and I couldn’t be more thankful to Project Repat for being so careful with all of my memories. 

I chose a lap size blanket, which contains 16 panels, in the standard 12x12 panel size.  The fleece backing comes in multiple colors such as magenta, red, black, gray and blue.  The price for this size is $74.99.  There are also twin, full, queen and king sizes available that range from $109.99-$239.99 (if using the standard size panels).  I think the prices are really affordable for the quality product that you receive.  Not to mention, you are helping a fellow American out by purchasing from Project Repat.

These t-shirt quilts make very unique gifts!  Please feel free to use my 15% discount code “repatfriend” when ordering yours!

As always, thanks for reading!  Please go check out the Project Repat web site!  

http://www.projectrepat.com/

Disclaimer: I was provided with a free product in return for my honest review. All thoughts and opinions expressed here are my own and not influenced by the developing company or any of its affiliates.

Thrift Store Shopping: Is It Worth the Deal?

Over the holiday season, I needed some fabric to make some Christmas crafts with my children.  Rather than drive all the way to the fabric store, I decided to visit the local thrift shop.  I scored some great deals on fabric and also left with a Christmas sweater that I would later tear up to use for the crafts as well. After our family craft time was over, we marveled at the beautiful things we were able to make with the thrift store fabric.  However, a short while later, I started feeling guilty about my purchase. 

I frequently drop off outgrown clothes, toys, bikes and even furniture to the local thrift stores in my area.  I always leave feeling a little bit better because I am hopeful that these things will go to children or families in need.  However, I now realize that this may not be the case at all.  These items may be going to people who make a decent living and just want a bargain.  And that makes me a little sad. 

Thanks to Macklemore, thrift store shopping has become quite trendy.   Recently, there was even an article in our local paper touting a thrift shop’s “high-quality merchandise at low prices”.  I have always been one to think that thrift stores were created, not for finding bargains, but for people who don’t have the means to shop anywhere else.  The more I thought about this, the more terrible I felt about tearing up that Christmas sweater so that my family could make ornaments out of it.

I started thinking about all of the people who have the means to go elsewhere, but who frequent the thrift shops to find deals.  I realize that thrift shops are businesses, and the owners probably don’t care one way or another who does the purchasing of the items in their stores.  But the items for sale in thrift shops are usually one of a kind.  It’s not like going to Walmart and having twelve bikes to choose from that all cost fifty dollars.  A thrift shop may only have one bike for fifteen dollars.  And in my mind, I would feel awful buying that fifteen dollar bike when there might be a kid out there who can’t afford the Walmart special and was saving his money for the thrift shop bargain bike.  Along the same lines, I wonder if someone had their eye on the Christmas sweater that I took home for three dollars and tore apart.  Is there some sort of moral code when shopping in thrift stores?  Are people who need to shop at thrift stores offended by the bargain hunters?  Do they care one way or the other?

In today’s struggling economy, I completely understand the need for a good deal for everyone, regardless of your financial status.  However, if you can afford to go elsewhere, is that the better moral choice?  Or is a bargain a bargain, regardless of the type of store?  I don’t know the answers to these questions, but personally, I now know how I feel about bargain hunting.  Going forward, I will make the longer car trip to the fabric store.  I will find my “bargains” at Walmart or on Ebay.  I will leave the joy of finding a great deal at the thrift shop for those who could really use a spring in their step. 

Embrace Health

The New Year has begun, and with that, so has the exercise uprising.  I have lived a healthy lifestyle for quite a few years now, so getting fit is never on my resolution list.  With that said, I am proud of our society as, in more recent years, the focus is slowly turning toward health and fitness.  I applaud those who want to live a healthy lifestyle, rather than a sporadic dieting lifestyle.

However, there was a time when weight and dress size mattered to me.  About six years ago, I went through a divorce.  Even though the divorce was my idea, it was still a very hard decision, which led me to the “divorce diet”.  Those of you who are familiar with this diet know that it is not intentional to lose weight.  Due to stress, I survived on coffee, cigarettes and maybe a very small meal every day for almost a year.  Other than college, it was the unhealthiest time of my life.  (As an aside, since then, I stopped smoking, became a runner, and most recently, I’m trying out cycling.)  I lost an insane amount of weight and dropped to a size zero.  I know, I know.  Boohoo for me.  I was a zero.  And yes, I know people who struggle with larger sizes don’t pity me at all.  However, I’m not looking for pity.  I just want to say that being a size zero wasn’t easy.  Throughout my life, I have been a number of different sizes (up to and including size 10).  But I have to say that zero was the hardest.  Maybe it had something to do with how I was feeling at the time, or that by definition, zero means nothing.  Zero.  Zip.  Nada.  And I knew that I was more than that.

I remember thinking that my frame, though small, had carried two healthy, beautiful children.  It held up through the awful things that were digested during my four years at Syracuse University.  It survived during my “club girl” phase.  It let me continue dancing at parties and weddings throughout my adult life.  Since I was four years old, it had carried me through the good and bad times living with Type 1 Diabetes. In other words, I realized that I was more than the size on my jeans.

Once the divorce was over, I became a serious runner and gained back some weight and added some muscle.  I graduated to a size two, where I sit firmly today.  But the biggest difference is that I am now a strong believer that size doesn’t matter.  I believe that health is the most important thing. 

I also know that in recent years, the word “curvy” has been tossed around quite often.  I refer to myself as curvy as, even though I am small, my hip to waist ratio is more J-Lo than Twiggy.  I think the definition of curvy is different depending on which woman you speak with.  But I ask this of all of the curvy women out there-don’t hide behind the word “curvy”.  If you are curvy and HEALTHY, then by all means, celebrate that!  But if you are simply overweight and are calling yourself “curvy”, own that, and start entertaining the idea of being healthy instead.  What I am trying to say, in a very long winded way, is that small sizes, large sizes, being curvy, or being too thin is all irrelevant if it isn’t healthy. Embrace health.  If you aren’t healthy, change it before being unhealthy changes you.  Change it, not because of how you look in your jeans,   but because your body has brought you through your life, and you owe it to your body to treat it well.  Your body has come with you through your journey.  It has taken your punches for you.  And it will never let you down, as long as you don’t let it.

My 10 Year Old is An Atheist

A few weeks ago, my ten year old daughter proclaimed that she is an atheist.  My daughter is not one to take a stand on something without doing her research.  Just last year, after watching Blackfish, she did about a month’s worth of internet research, wrote a non-fiction children’s book about whales, and she told me that she will never step foot in a Sea World park ever again (not just Sea World, but any park that Sea World owns).  She was nine at the time.  So, when she announced that she believes in science, rather than God, I knew that she had already made up her mind.

I have been racking my brain on how this could have happened.  I was quick to blame her father, my ex-husband, as he is an atheist.  But then I remembered that shortly after my first daughter was born, we had a very enlightening conversation about religion.  His view was not what one would expect of an atheist.  He had very strong feelings on how we should raise our children.  And his feelings were that they should be raised Catholic.  I remember this conversation as if it were yesterday.  He explained that his entire life was lived in fear of death.  In his mind, everything he did was a risk, because ultimately, everything could result in death.  And because he didn’t believe in God or in heaven, he was missing a very important element in his life.  That element was hope.  He said that he didn’t want his children growing up without hope that there is something better after we leave this planet.  He didn’t want his daughters to be scared to die, and therefore, scared to live.  Even if hope was all they got from religion, that was good enough for him.  So, off we went, Catholic and Atheist, and had our children christened.

At that time, I was an avid, church-going Catholic.  Since then, I have strayed from the church, but not from God.  To this day, I still pray almost daily, and I still have faith that there is a God who listens and answers.  However, I never continued my girls’ religious educations because of my own personal feelings about organized religion.  I stopped sharing my beliefs with my children because I wasn’t certain that the teachings that I learned of as a child were the right way to teach my children about God.  Although I still know when to sit, stand and kneel at church, a lot of the information that I once knew about God is no longer a part of my memory, and therefore, doesn’t make me a great teacher.  And because I had a friend who decided on a religion later on in her life, I figured that, like her, my children would benefit from making their own choices about religion when the time was right for them. 

It looks like that time has come earlier than I expected.  Although my seven year old staunchly believes in God and in heaven, my ten year old firmly does not.  And of course, it’s my fault for not guiding her toward a more hopeful kind of life-a life with God.  I guess I just never thought that a little girl who still believes in Santa, the Elf on the Shelf, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy would go the opposite way when it came to believing in God.

So, now I’m left with guilt and the nagging feeling that I need to do something to show her that God is the right choice.  Part of me wants to start going back to church, regardless of how hypocritical that would be.  But another part of me thinks that forcing my beliefs on my daughter isn’t the right choice either.  The truth of the matter is that no human being has ever died and come back to tell us all whether there is a God or not.  Both science and religion have strong arguments on how we got here.  It’s a lot like the chicken and the egg argument.  So, I can’t have a conversation with my daughter telling her that I have all of the answers.  No one does.  And I also can’t have a conversation with her telling her that my answers are better or more believable than hers, because this isn’t about my perception.  It’s about hers.   

Because I have never spoken to her about what I believe, she’s only heard about what her father believes-and that is in science.  I think the only thing I can do at this point is let her into my world.  I can let her know that I have a belief that is different from hers and different from what most religious people believe.  Maybe I can share my thoughts with her, and maybe we can research all of the different religions-everything from Buddhism to Judaism to Islam.   In the end, she will still be the one to make up her own mind.  But at least this way, she will have more options to choose from.  And who knows?  Maybe she’ll do her own research one day and decide that science and religion don’t necessarily have to be mutually exclusive after all.

Elf on the Shelf Ideas (With a Note to the Haters)

This isn’t really a blog, as it is a collection of my favorite Elf on the Shelf ideas.  Most of these are original, but I also put my own spin on some of my favorites from other Elf on the Shelfers. 

I know that some moms hate people like me, saying that I am an overachiever or a show off.  The truth of the matter is that when it’s Elf on the Shelf season, my children literally burst out of bed with excitement, ready to look for our elf, Rose.  I have to ask the haters a question. Can you imagine being so excited about something every day for one month that you literally jump out of bed for it?  Watching their excitement is the number one reason for why I do it. 

The second (and not nearly as important) reason is that I have a very technical job with zero creativity involved.  I look forward to this time of year so that I can let my creative juices flow.  Is that such a bad thing?

And yes, I post these pictures to Facebook almost daily.  I do this because I have tons of other mom friends who also do wacky things with the Elf on the Shelf, and I have benefited greatly from their ideas as well.  I treat it like a way to share Elf on the Shelf ideas.  I’m not trying to be arrogant.  I’m trying to be helpful. 

So, for all of you haters out there, cut us “overachievers” some slack.  We do this because it is fun for everyone involved.  And unless you are against other families having fun in different ways than you might do it in your home, can we please stop the mommy shaming when it’s Elf on the Shelf time?

Merry Christmas to all!  

snowing in Florida

The Lion King reenactment with a Hershey's kiss playing the role of Simba

The Hunger Games

Gymnastics Meet

Science Fair

Having a pet is not always fun

trapped by Spiderman

Ronda Rousey vs. Elsa UFC- MMA

Elf television

tic-tac-toe with Santa

fruit loop volcano

snowball fight

tree climbing

uh oh!

Lady and the Tramp

Minecraft

Target practice with Merida

Madagascar

how low can you go?

reminiscing over last year's visit

peppermint craft

shopping

arriving in a box

stacking books in Christmas shapes

bowling with chocolate

Grumpy Cat

lighting the fairy door

emoji kingdom

igloo in the freezer

everyone loves mistletoe

camping

game night

sitting pretty

in the band

Where's Waldo?

plane ride back to the North Pole