It's the holiday season, folks! And naturally, that
means that bloggers are out in full force with our annual holiday gift guides!
(Insert eye roll here.)
I've never done a gift guide before. And lucky for
you, I will NOT be making this an annual thing (or at least I'm not planning on
it at the moment). But in the spirit of doing things my own way, I give you my
2016 Top Ten Holiday Gift Guide for Oddballs (Dave Letterman style). Drum
roll please...
Gift #10 (for parents everywhere): How to Traumatize
Your Children, $11.03
I mean, all of our kids are eventually going to
blame us for something we did wrong as parents, right? Why not beat them to the
punch this holiday season by purchasing this book with "seven proven
methods to help you screw up your kids"? You're welcome.
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| photo courtesy of Amazon.com |
Gift #9 (for the bike enthusiast): Bike Tail Lights,
$7.96
My husband happens to be a cyclist. And what is
better than a pair of balls...for your bike? These would be great for someone who is into
cycling...or balls...or both.
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| photo courtesy of Delomo |
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| photo courtesy of Delomo |
How many times has your poor dog taken a dump in the
rain while you hog up all of the umbrella? I mean, can you imagine doing your
business while a monsoon drenches you? Well...pet lovers, rejoice! There
finally is a solution! Buy Fido the coverage he's been dreaming of!
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| photo courtesy of Amazon.com |
Gift #7 (for the traveler): Travel Belt Hitch,
$17.95
With long lines, hordes of frustrated people, and
full body scans, airports are nightmares come to life. But the real problem
with airport travel is that you never get to stand around with free
use of your hands, right? Enter the travel belt hitch. You want to text while
drinking coffee? No problem. You want to wash both hands at the same time
without having your luggage be deemed as suspicious? Well...here's the answer.
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| photo courtesy of odditymall.com |
Gift #6 (for the beer lover with a sweet tooth):
Draft Beer Jelly Belly, $2.59
Beer and candy? Well...I guess it would depend on
how drunk I am. But if you need a gift for a beer lover, I'm sure purchasing
another boring beer mug is not an option you want to explore again. So, why not
try these beer flavored jelly beans?
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| photo courtesy of offthewagonshop.com |
Gift #5 (for the dreamer): Bag of Unicorn Farts,
$10.99
In the land of the dreamers, unicorns, rainbows,
elves and fairies live in a very real place - right here on Earth. And if they
are Earth dwellers, then I imagine these mystical creatures also have bodily
functions. But because they are so much more impressive than the human
race, their farts get massed produced and sold in bags for profit. I'm not sure
what the bag will smell like, or what the benefit of owning this would be, but
I'm sure if you have a dreamer in your life, he/she will figure it out.
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| photo courtesy of Amazon.com |
Gift #4 (for the neat freak): Nail Capsule
Fingernail Catcher, $8
Do you know someone who would rather die than find a
nail clipping on her floor? Neither do I. But just in case, check out this little contraption that keeps all of your nail clippings tidily
in place.
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| photo courtesy of odditymall.com |
Gift #3 (for the poop lovers): Doody Head Game,
$11.48
Poop paraphernalia is everywhere. I can't get away
from it. My nine year old daughter thinks poop emojis are "cute". And
because my husband always says, "If you can't get out of it, get into
it", I have a feeling this game will be under our Christmas tree this
year. If you know a poop obsessed kid (or adult), this riveting poophead game is the way to go.
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| photo courtesy of Amazon.com |
Gift #2 (for the crazy cat lady in your life): Crazy
Cat Lady Action Figure, $14.99
I don't think this gift needs any explanation
whatsoever. Although, I take issue with the "action" figure description.
I'm not sure what type of action this doll would attempt to maneuver. Does she
climb trees in her robe, searching for a cat in need? Does she gallantly tear
her robe open, unveiling a giant cat symbol that shines in the night sky,
allowing all of the cats in the neighborhood to know that she's the lady
with the food? I'm baffled by her superhero merchandising status. But if you know a cat lady who needs a reminder of
why she's so awesome, this is the perfect gift!
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| photo courtesy of offthewagonshop.com |
And the #1 oddball gift of the 2016 holiday season
goes to...
Wash Your Nuts Soap on a Rope, $14.99
If you like sex as much as I do, then you know that
your hormones want what they want when they want it. Even if your man recently
finished a two-hour workout, you want him...now. Though your hormones may
not mind schweddy balls, your mind is a different matter. And as said best by
Margaret Cho, "Wash EEEEET!"
Which is why Wash Your Nuts is the perfect friendly
reminder, as well as the perfect nutty stocking stuffer for your
man!
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| photo courtesy of perpetualkid.com |
And once again, thanks for being randomly amused
with me! Happy holidays and happy shopping!
*This piece was published on Sammiches and Psych Meds on December 19, 2016.
