When the “real women” campaign started a few years ago, it filled
me with hope that my little girls would have a chance at developing a positive
body image. More recently, the campaign grew legs and sprinted its way to
Negative Town, replacing its original uplifting message with yet another way to
tear women down.
Do a quick google search for “real woman quotes” and you
will find a plethora of images telling you what real women should or should not
do. Apparently, if you don’t have curves, drive a stick shift, watch football,
avoid drama, have a job, pay your own bills, or drink regular beer, you are not
a real woman.
Forgive me if I seem a bit misguided, but I was under the
impression that if you have a vagina, you are, in fact, a real woman. The ugly
retorts that have since stemmed from the campaign seem to debate whether or not
your actions qualify you as a real woman. And to that, I call bullshit. The
most disturbing part of this is that the accusatory attitude toward these
artificial beings formerly known as women are mostly coming from-yep, you
guessed it-other women!
Reading articles using the “real woman” catchphrase with an
added dose of snotty “I’ve-just-entered-my-teenage-years” rhetoric have become
commonplace. In recent years, I’ve also been privy to disappointing conversations
that begin with, “A real woman wouldn’t _______ (fill in the blank with
whatever you think someone born with female genitalia wouldn’t dream of
doing).” When I see and hear statements
like this, I am reminded of a child’s logic while throwing a tantrum, “Well,
you didn’t give me that firetruck, so you must be a poo-poo head.”
With that in mind, you’ll have to understand that if childlike
behavior is in your wheelhouse, then I invoke the right to use the common
toddler parental phrase “use your words” to garner a more valid response from
you. For instance, if you feel the need to call me out for not being a “real
woman”, please specify why you have the urge to verbally remove my vagina. Or
better yet, just be direct and tell me what you actually think lies between my
thighs. I am enthralled to know…really.
Ladies, the bottom line is that we all don’t have to get
along. But don’t defeminize a woman because she doesn’t like the same things
you like, or because she hasn’t accomplished everything you have accomplished. Just
because she may have acted inappropriately as compared to your holier than thou
standards doesn’t mean that she needs her vagina lopped off. It just means that
she does things differently than you. And that’s okay.
We all work, play, eat, diet, stress, meditate, sweat,
relax, laugh, cry, judge, love. Some of us fall and get back up. Some of us
have strong opinions or passions. Some of us are thin, but unhealthy. Some of
us are overweight and have never felt better. Although we may all have flaws,
we also each have something great to offer. Mind you, our offerings may not be
intended for everyone, but just because you haven’t seen that side of a woman
doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
So to those women residing in Negative Town, the next time
you admonish a female for not being real, please remember that she may have
real feelings, real insecurities, a real personality, real struggles, real opinions,
real thoughts and real dreams. She may not be your cup of tea, but she sure as
hell is a “real woman”.
*Disclaimer: This in
no way reflects my opinion of those who lack a vagina, but identify as female.
This was not written as an attempt to disrespect those women, as they will
always have my full support.
