Monday, October 19, 2015

Don’t Do It for the Haters

People come and go in our lives, and that is to be expected. However, there are certain individuals who hang on with a steel grip, studying our moves, hoping that we fail. They thrive by laughing at our setbacks, while getting some sick internal pleasure from watching us struggle. These people are known to many as haters. I call them assholes, but “to-may-to”, “to-mah-to”, right?

Booting haters out of our lives should be the simple resolution. However, some haters are discreet and keep their ill-intended desires a secret. Clandestine stalking becomes their favorite pastime. So if your life is on display, you should expect that they will be paying close attention.

Should this bother you? Being that stalking is illegal in all fifty states, I would say yes. However, the internet has changed the rules, so using the “unfriend” or “block” buttons for any unwelcome negativity in your social media world may only act as a band-aid. What you need to realize is that the bigger picture has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with you.

In my opinion, one major mistake is to triumphantly declare, “I’m going to prove you all wrong” or “Look at me now, haters”. The problem with these statements is that you are giving your haters credit for your motivation. The last thing these people need are ego boosts or opportunities to acknowledge their roles in your success. So, if you have a goal, go for it! But don’t let your accomplishments be overshadowed by your haters. A friend recently shared a valuable piece of knowledge with me, which is that these people are miserable and bitter, so even if you succeed and shout from the rooftops, “IN YOUR FACE”, they will certainly find something or someone new to hate on, and their cycle will continue.  

From experience, I can tell you that even if the cyberstalking doesn’t end, haters can be silenced in your mind. In my case, I learned to sympathize with the assholes of the world. I tried to imagine coping with that intense inner turmoil day in and day out. It must be exhausting. I also remembered that these people have always been in the background of my life. Paying attention to them only put them in the forefront, a place where they clearly did not deserve to be. And lastly, I realized that I genuinely like who I am, and no one can ever take that away from me. 

The reality is that your decisions may not have happy endings, and you may fall short when attempting to achieve a goal. And the haters will be attentively waiting for these moments. However, your reaction is also your decision. Responding to someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart can possibly result in empty accomplishments. Instead, choose to ignore the chatter and negativity so that you can focus on your own successes and learn from your disappointments. Set goals, not to prove who you are to some random asshole, but to make your life experience superior to what you ever thought it could be. The right people will find you and will eventually drown out the ones who never should have mattered in the first place.