Our dog, Zoey

Dogs. Who would have thought that I could love a dog? Like really love a dog. On any given day of my life, if you asked if I was a dog person, I wouldn’t hesitate to say yes. But I have never been one of those over the top, “my-dog-is-my-life” kind of people. Once I had kids, my view of dogs changed drastically. The dog I had at that time became a dog. And my kids got first priority.

And then, after years of saying I would never get another dog, I met Zoey. Taking my girls to the Humane Society was a weekly ritual that we had been doing for about a year. And I was never tempted. The dogs were cute and it was sad to see them, but I was never compelled to take one home. But the minute I saw Zoey, my heart raced and she made me smile…on the inside. I had to have her. And of course, my kids were thrilled.

Zoey was roughly 9 or 10 when we adopted her. So, going in, we knew that her time with us may not be all that long. We pressed on anyway.

Over the last three and a half years, Zoey made it clear what her role was. She was not here to do the cooking, but she would have no problem eating our dinner before I got the chance to serve it. She was never going to clean the carpets, because then she would have a hard time remembering where her pee spot was. And she would definitely not be participating in a game of fetch if my intention was to throw her favorite toy more than three times.

Her role was simple. It was to love. And in a world full of so much hatred, she is a beautiful reminder that living with love in your heart is a much better way to go through life. Zoey frequently demonstrated her version of love by slapping her paw on my leg, slobbering all over my pants, breathing her horrid dog breath in my face in hopes of getting a lick, or dragging me down the street faster than my legs could carry me. It may not have been the way I would choose to be loved, but it was love all the same. 

And I didn’t realize it until today that without giving all that much (in the ways humans deem necessary of other humans), she gave our family everything. She was our constant. And in a few hours, when we say our final goodbyes at the vet’s office, this family’s world is going to change. Maybe not enough for anyone to notice, because to them, she’s just a dog. But to us, she is family.

And though I may not even come close to being the “doggiest” dog person alive, I am and always will be a Zoey person. And as she rests beside me now as I write this, my heart is heavy, but thankful that she showed me how the simplicity of a dog’s love could change my heart forever.

Post Like Nobody's Watching

I have a confession. I may fall into the “oversharer” category when it comes to Facebook. Mostly, I shamelessly share and re-share my blog posts, but I also display funny memes, pictures of my kids, and I do check-ins like I’m getting paid for it. And now that I’ve got my news feed perfectly filtered with only the people I actually care about, I truly love seeing what my friends deem worthy of sharing with me.

However, recently, there was a popular meme shared by a few people in my Facebook circle, which said something like, “if you feed the homeless and put it on Facebook, you are feeding your ego.” I actually spit out a bit of my coffee when I read it. No disrespect to my homies who posted it, but I found the meme both hypocritical and quite humorous, simply because Facebook is the very basis for egocentricity.

Posting anything on social media is an attempt to show what you are proud of. And pride…well…that is your ego. So, throwing shade at someone else by promoting the idea that one type of post feeds your ego more than any other is absurd.

Personally, I would much rather see more pictures of people doing good for this world than to see random day-to-day pictures that are cute, but less inspiring. For instance, I have a friend who regularly posts pictures of herself doing charity work. To me, it isn’t self-serving. It is motivational. She made me want to seek out local opportunities that I can participate in with my family. And when I found one, you bet I posted about it! Not to show how awesome I was. Not to “feed my ego”, but rather, in hopes that maybe I would inspire someone to do the same, just like my friend inspired me. It only takes one chain of events to make someone’s life better. And suggesting that we should keep these moments to ourselves is silly.

I mean, can you imagine waking up to your Facebook feed, and instead of seeing animal pictures, or pictures of someone’s scrumptious dinner from last night, or SNL videos of Alec Baldwin impersonating Donald Trump, there was a barrage of pictures revealing how your friends were helping their communities or participating in events that actually make a difference? Wouldn’t it make you want to do the same?

But I digress.

I completely understand and agree that there are certain instances that would benefit from privacy, rather than being blasted on Facebook. And for whatever reason (a love of drama, a need for attention), some of these “should-be-private” life events somehow make it to the public realm for all to see.

But for the most part, Facebook shows us what people are proud of, what makes them laugh out loud, what makes them happy to wake up in the morning, what makes them passionate, and most importantly, what makes them who they are. Is posting details about our daily lives egocentric? Yes, for all of us, even for those with the best intentions. But it is okay.

It is okay to share the moments in your life that fulfill you. It is not “fake” to post only about the things that make you smile. And on the same note, it is not misleading if you choose to keep your bad days private.
What you choose to share is up to you. It’s your life.

So, don’t let anyone tell you that you have an ego problem if you decide to post that picture of your daughter at a charity event, or winning an award, or doing well in school. Don’t shy away from posting a selfie in a public bathroom because you look slammin’ in that dress. Don’t feel shameful about posting your 5K training stats.

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about posting your moments.

Let the haters hate. Post like nobody’s watching. And keep enjoying your Facebook life…your way.

A T-Shirt Dress...for Winter

Stock photo courtesy of Rotita

For those of you who aren't familiar with my blog, you probably don't understand my obsession with summer t-shirt dresses. Let's just say that I own too many, but I wear them often. I've even passed one down to my twelve-year-old daughter, who hates all dresses, but loves t-shirts. And although she's not as psyched about the dress as I am, I've at least introduced her to the concept that dresses can be just as comfortable as her pajamas (which, by the way, are oversized t-shirts).

As I've mentioned in a previous fashion post, Florida winters are pretty much non-existent. But that doesn't necessarily stop me from purchasing some winter-ish garb for the colder days. However, when it comes to winter fashion, I am a bit more selective, simply because I have fewer days to make use out of each piece of clothing.

So, when I saw this dress, I knew I had to add it to my closet.

I have to admit that I was hesitant to order when I learned that Rotita garments ship from China. Having ordered items from China before, I've found that fit is not comparable to American sizes and shipping can take up to a month. But not to worry-this dress from Rotita is true to size, and I received my package in under two weeks!

I was pleasantly surprised to find that the fit is baggy and comfortable, just like my favorite t-shirt dress! It hangs, but in a good way. And the material of this dress is quilt-like, making me feel like I am wrapped up in a blanket. I especially love the cowl neck! And for the low price of $25.91 (plus free shipping), it's hard to pass this dress up. My only trouble now is deciding which shoe to wear with it.

Happy shopping!

Choosing Your Fitness Team

I graduated from Syracuse University with a degree in Nutrition, but it only took six short months after being on the job to abandon that degree. Though the field wasn’t for me, I learned a lot and can happily apply that knowledge to my own life. So, it wasn’t a total loss.

Recently, a local personal trainer displayed a nutrition certificate that he was able to obtain from an online course in a few months. While I applaud his efforts to further educate himself about the world in which he works, I feel it is part of my old job to tell my fitness buddies to proceed with caution when accepting a diet plan or diet advice from a personal trainer.

Back in the day, I worked as a nutritionist for a doctor. When patients came to me, I already had access to their charts-medical history, family medical history, blood work, blood pressure, and current medications that the patient was taking. Based on all of this information, I was able to make informed decisions on realistic diet recommendations for each person.

In contrast, other than whatever information you decide to divulge about yourself, personal trainers do not have any information on you in which to base their nutritional guidance, nor are they trained to deal with any underlying medical conditions. The blunt truth is that even if they did have your chart work, they would not be able to properly utilize the information to give you a diet plan that is truly best for your body.

Before I discovered running, I tried the gym thing…twice. I hired personal trainers both times. The first personal trainer I hired suggested protein bars (which were actually loaded with sugar) prior to the workout. I declined and just stuck with a snack that was more appropriate for me. However, the second trainer (let's call him Tim) encouraged me to try his diet, which pretty much consisted of protein shakes and fruit. Other than my height and weight and a quick BMI calculation, Tim had no further details about my health. So, when I decided to inform him that I was a type 1 diabetic, I expected him to alter his diet advice. Instead, Tim's response was, “Great! So, a protein based diet is perfect for you!” I was amazed that, even with his obvious lack of knowledge, he was still confident in his advice...for a type 1 diabetic.

It was then that I started wondering about the accountability of personal trainers. What if I didn’t tell Tim about my health, followed his diet, and wound up in the hospital? Is he liable for giving me a diet plan that he technically is not licensed to give? Or does the responsibility lie on the client to disclose medical issues before going on a diet suggested by an unqualified person? I don’t know the answers to these questions. But my gut feeling is that a trainer is the expert at fixing the outside of your body, while a dietitian is better qualified to fix the inside.

I'm hopeful that my experience with Tim isn’t the norm. But I think it's important to be cautious when accepting generic plans. This is not only limited to advice from personal trainers, but also from your buddies who swear by products that incorporate shakes, pills or some other type of fad into your diet. While I'm sure their intent is not malicious, before committing to a product or a plan suggested by a non-professional, ask yourself if you could see yourself using this plan/product for the rest of your life. Ask yourself if the person promoting it is qualified to tell you what to put inside your body. Ask yourself if you are 100% sure that it is safe...for you. If you are unsure of your answers to these questions, then I urge you to move on and consult with a registered dietitian, or at the very least, your doctor, to find a plan tailored to your body and to your health goals.

(Tip: There is a difference between learning how to eat right and going on a diet. Sometimes, they aren't the same thing. Keep this in mind when making food and supplement choices.)

I am a huge supporter of being healthy and fit, but I firmly believe that getting there the right way is imperative. Seeking the right health plan for yourself may take more work than simply ingesting a shake or signing up for a gym. Remember- this is your fitness journey, and cutting corners shouldn't be an option.

It's hard to lose if you surround yourself with professionals who are most capable of devising the best plan for you. So, choose your team wisely, and then simply follow your sculpted path to the healthiest you.

Good luck and happy new year!

*This piece was published on Reality Moms on January 7, 2017.

The 2016 Holiday Gift Guide for Oddballs

It's the holiday season, folks! And naturally, that means that bloggers are out in full force with our annual holiday gift guides! (Insert eye roll here.)

I've never done a gift guide before. And lucky for you, I will NOT be making this an annual thing (or at least I'm not planning on it at the moment). But in the spirit of doing things my own way, I give you my 2016 Top Ten Holiday Gift Guide for Oddballs (Dave Letterman style). Drum roll please...

Gift #10 (for parents everywhere): How to Traumatize Your Children, $11.03

I mean, all of our kids are eventually going to blame us for something we did wrong as parents, right? Why not beat them to the punch this holiday season by purchasing this book with "seven proven methods to help you screw up your kids"? You're welcome.

photo courtesy of Amazon.com

Gift #9 (for the bike enthusiast): Bike Tail Lights, $7.96

My husband happens to be a cyclist. And what is better than a pair of balls...for your bike? These would be great for someone who is into cycling...or balls...or both.

photo courtesy of Delomo

photo courtesy of Delomo

 Gift #8 (for your pets): The Pet Umbrella, $9.99

How many times has your poor dog taken a dump in the rain while you hog up all of the umbrella? I mean, can you imagine doing your business while a monsoon drenches you? Well...pet lovers, rejoice! There finally is a solution! Buy Fido the coverage he's been dreaming of!

photo courtesy of Amazon.com

Gift #7 (for the traveler): Travel Belt Hitch, $17.95

With long lines, hordes of frustrated people, and full body scans, airports are nightmares come to life. But the real problem with airport travel is that you never get to stand around with free use of your hands, right? Enter the travel belt hitch. You want to text while drinking coffee? No problem. You want to wash both hands at the same time without having your luggage be deemed as suspicious? Well...here's the answer.

photo courtesy of odditymall.com

Gift #6 (for the beer lover with a sweet tooth): Draft Beer Jelly Belly, $2.59

Beer and candy? Well...I guess it would depend on how drunk I am. But if you need a gift for a beer lover, I'm sure purchasing another boring beer mug is not an option you want to explore again. So, why not try these beer flavored jelly beans? 

photo courtesy of offthewagonshop.com

Gift #5 (for the dreamer): Bag of Unicorn Farts, $10.99

In the land of the dreamers, unicorns, rainbows, elves and fairies live in a very real place - right here on Earth. And if they are Earth dwellers, then I imagine these mystical creatures also have bodily functions. But because they are so much more impressive than the human race, their farts get massed produced and sold in bags for profit. I'm not sure what the bag will smell like, or what the benefit of owning this would be, but I'm sure if you have a dreamer in your life, he/she will figure it out. 

photo courtesy of Amazon.com

Gift #4 (for the neat freak): Nail Capsule Fingernail Catcher, $8

Do you know someone who would rather die than find a nail clipping on her floor? Neither do I. But just in case, check out this little contraption that keeps all of your nail clippings tidily in place.

photo courtesy of odditymall.com

Gift #3 (for the poop lovers): Doody Head Game, $11.48

Poop paraphernalia is everywhere. I can't get away from it. My nine year old daughter thinks poop emojis are "cute". And because my husband always says, "If you can't get out of it, get into it", I have a feeling this game will be under our Christmas tree this year. If you know a poop obsessed kid (or adult), this riveting poophead game is the way to go.

photo courtesy of Amazon.com

Gift #2 (for the crazy cat lady in your life): Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure, $14.99

I don't think this gift needs any explanation whatsoever. Although, I take issue with the "action" figure description. I'm not sure what type of action this doll would attempt to maneuver. Does she climb trees in her robe, searching for a cat in need? Does she gallantly tear her robe open, unveiling a giant cat symbol that shines in the night sky, allowing all of the cats in the neighborhood to know that she's the lady with the food? I'm baffled by her superhero merchandising status. But if you know a cat lady who needs a reminder of why she's so awesome, this is the perfect gift!

photo courtesy of offthewagonshop.com

And the #1 oddball gift of the 2016 holiday season goes to...

Wash Your Nuts Soap on a Rope, $14.99

If you like sex as much as I do, then you know that your hormones want what they want when they want it. Even if your man recently finished a two-hour workout, you want him...now. Though your hormones may not mind schweddy balls, your mind is a different matter. And as said best by Margaret Cho, "Wash EEEEET!"

Which is why Wash Your Nuts is the perfect friendly reminder, as well as the perfect nutty stocking stuffer for your man!

photo courtesy of perpetualkid.com

And once again, thanks for being randomly amused with me! Happy holidays and happy shopping!

*This piece was published on Sammiches and Psych Meds on December 19, 2016.

Why I Don't Go To Office Parties

As a society, we tend to spend the majority of our waking hours at work. Americans have even adopted phrases like “work-wife” and “work-husband” to describe our co-workers who have become alternatives to our actual families. And with the holiday season approaching, there are sure to be bigger year-end projects, longer nights on the job, and, of course, holiday office parties.

As a mom working in the corporate world, my calendar is already bursting with holiday fun like ugly sweater parties, cookie-swapping parties, the school holiday choir concert, pictures with Santa, and holiday bake sales. So you’ll understand if I’m not exactly thrilled about squeezing an office party into my schedule.

You would think that because I have been working from home for quite a few years now, I would have successfully dodged the torturous bullet of office functions. Nope. I’m not that lucky. The hubs has already received a heads up about his company’s’ holiday dinner. And now, all we need is a tactful but firm way of saying “absolutely not.”

Before raising your pitch forks, you’ll be happy to know that we made an appearance at last year’s gala. But it is my opinion that if your office holds a corporate event at a buffet-style restaurant with the word “corral” in it, you should automatically be excused from all extracurricular work activities…forever. Of course, not everyone shares this view, which is why, this year, crafting the perfect holiday excuse was our first priority.

Though I have been blessed with a husband who prefers a cordial RSVP, politely declining an invitation has become a challenge. Admittedly, if it were up to me, I would just say no. I mean, why do people always feel the need to follow a “no” with a justification of the “no”?

I’ll tell you why. Because nowadays, if you don’t give a reason, people are nosey enough to ask for one. And some bosses are so dedicated to your attendance, they even come up with solutions to your elaborate excuses.

Example #1: Have Granny’s 70^th birthday to attend? That’s okay! You can just come to the office party for a little while! (Disclaimer: This one can backfire, as my husband’s boss once refused to give him his holiday bonus for leaving the party early.)

Example #2: Have concert/game tickets on the same night? Worry not! Stop in for a quick bite to eat before the event! Those things never start on time anyway!

Example #3: Having oral surgery the morning of the party? No problem! We love seeing your face, no matter how swollen!

Some of you may be asking, “Why not tell the truth?”

We tried.

When my husband attempted to respectfully decline this year’s shindig by straightforwardly saying, “I would really like to spend that time with my wife and kids,” his employer’s rebuttal was, “Well…bring them”!

I know what you’re thinking. This is a generous offer. But think about it. Bringing your spouse to a work soiree, where she gets to spend a night with your acquaintances making small talk, all while smiling with clenched teeth, quietly scolding your bored and uncomfortably dressed kids who are naturally misbehaving, is not a good idea. As all parents know, bored kids at a function that really should be “adults only” is not beneficial to anyone involved.

As you can see, finding ways to avoid a holiday office bash can become a full-time job. And I’m sure there are plenty of people who truly love the networking opportunities, free booze, and drunken karaoke duets that come along with an office party. And that’s fine. Really.

But during the holidays, when the majority of us are feeling overwhelmingly stretched too thin, I think it’s important to spend our free time AWAY from work, with the people who calm our hearts.

Even though your boss may feel slighted if you successfully find a way to escape the annual celebration, try not to feel bad too bad about it. Obligation should never play a role in determining how you spend your time. So, go ahead and enjoy this holiday season your way. No excuses.

*This piece was published on Sammiches and Psych Meds on December 16, 2016.

What Will I Tell My Children?

The morning after. No less than twenty-three posts on social media all asking the same question. 

What will I tell my children?

My mind raced with thoughts of inadequacy. Oh no! Did I miss something? Was I supposed to prepare a speech for my kids about the results of the election?

Once I had my coffee and the fog lifted from my brain, I realized that I don’t have to “tell” them anything. Because, when it comes to politics, I choose not to force my beliefs onto my girls.

Don’t get me wrong. Watching my friends post pictures of their children at the polls, wearing Hillary or Trump paraphernalia was adorable! I started thinking that maybe the elections are becoming similar to team sports. If you were raised a Yankees fan, you’re always a Yankees fan. It doesn’t matter if you don’t really understand why you’re a Yankees fan. But if your parents think the Yankees are the way to go, then that’s the way it should be, right? This line of thinking had me wondering if I had parenting all wrong.

But then I came back to this - there is a difference between giving your children your opinion and giving your children a pathway to obtain information so that they can form their own. And as difficult as it is sometimes, I always try to go with the latter.

Did my girls want to know who I was going to vote for throughout the entire campaign season? Absolutely! And maybe I was in a unique position because I truly had no idea. So, when I told them I was unsure, it was the truth.

But my “I don’t know” answer led to further discussions about how to make a decision, which led to discussions about researching all candidates, and selecting someone who holds beliefs that are close to our own.

Researching candidates didn’t come willingly for my eleven and nine year old daughters. But with a quick Google search, we were able to find a political topic that my kids actually could relate to- Common Core. Now, as a parent, I think Common Core is a disaster. But when talking to my girls about it, they were both indifferent. It’s just something they are learning in school and neither of them had any complaints. So, while I may not understand Common Core, just like my mom probably didn’t understand calculus, I learned that my girls have a different outlook than I do on one of the issues being discussed on the campaign trail this year. So, based solely on this issue, my girls and I would have voted for two completely different candidates.

This simple conversation with my girls opened my mind in an important way. Not to point out the obvious here, but kids are impressionable. I do realize that as parents, we have no choice but to make certain decisions for our children. But we also have the job of empowering our kids to be confident enough to have an opinion that is different from ours, or anyone else’s, for that matter.

We should have a nation of children who are interested in finding out for themselves why they support something, rather than a nation of children who support something just because mommy and daddy feel a certain way. As parents, it’s time we acknowledge that our children have their own thoughts and may not always be on our side of the fence. It’s time we give our kids the tools to be independent thinkers.

So, if you’re still wondering what to tell your children about the election results, I completely understand your desire to tell them of your disappointment about the winner. I completely get it if you accidentally frighten them with your very real concerns about America’s future. But try to remember that, unless your child did their own research, picked their own candidate, and truly understand what happened this morning, your feelings of disappointment do not belong to them.

Instead, tell them that no matter what happens in life, no matter what setbacks they may face, their opinions, no matter how different, are valid. Tell your children that their voices matter…now, more than ever.

When An Ex Can't Get Over the Hatred

When exes physically insert themselves into your life, it is most commonly known as stalking. However, in many cases, exes indirectly connect themselves to you, ensuring that they are still in your life, while eliminating a legal stalking charge. With the power of social media, pursuing someone who is unaware of your interest in them is extremely simple and is usually harmless. However, this is not the kind of activity I'm referring to. I am talking about instances where a person's commitment to crazy is alarmingly impressive.

Unfortunately, I have had some dealings with people in this arena. And why they do what they do will forever be a mystery to me. Below are some personal examples that have contributed to my permanent state of "ex" bewilderment. Here's hoping you cannot relate.

Example #1: My family and friends have nursed me through a few breakups in my lifetime. And because they are my tribe, they are naturally inclined to have my back. But when dealing with an ex who acts like a lunatic, expect everyone on your support team to get a frantic phone call from said nutjob, detailing all of the ways that you are an asshole. This person desperately wants to feel validated by the people in your camp, most likely because the people in this loon's camp already know to keep their distance. I mean, what's that old saying? You are known by the company you keep? Yeah...well...no one wants to be labeled as "the cuckoo bird's friend", so here's hoping that your tribe lets the impending phone call go directly to voicemail.

Example #2: If you've read my blog before, you know that I've written quite a bit about how I'm incapable of hanging onto the past. But when it comes to a hate-filled ex, moving on is not a possibility...like...ever. I've actually been in a situation where someone, let's call her Sally Screwball, harassed repetitively contacted me a YEAR after the relationship with her ex ended. Not a month or two later...a YEAR later. In my experience, three to six months after a relationship has ended is typically the point where people start moving forward. But not Sally Screwball. She chose anger (over therapy), and found herself at the receiving end of a restraining order.

Example #3: When it comes to my Puerto Rican familia, if there is a breakup, the non-bloodline gets the axe.

And if the non-blood line is a nutter, my family is smart enough to see through the shenanigans. I can count on the loyalty of my Puerto Rican posse. But not all families are like mine. Some are easier to destroy. Similar to Example #1, psychos tend to enjoy penetrating your personal relationships in an attempt to ruin your life. Even though this fruitcake admitted to hating your family when you were together, your family suddenly blossoms into an avenue of hope, where revenge can be bestowed upon you by the act of manipulation. If this insane person manages to pry your impressionable family members away by offering them "stuff" while telling them awful stories of your assholery, then the hater wins (and maybe you do too, because you are probably better off without family members who choose to befriend someone who hates you).

Example #4: Wait. The crackpot didn't win yet?  There's more? Yes. Yes, there is. Sometimes, all of the above just isn't enough. Sometimes (and this is a true story), the fruit loop conjures up old documentation that can potentially create a frivolous lawsuit! Although I'm sure it's every judge's dream to spend hours of his time hovering over an angry bird trying to do an ex-partner in, I have to admit that this one confuses me most. In a relationship that ended YEARS ago, where there are no children, no shared assets, nothing at all left, walking away should be the only logical step. But apparently, some people are so vindictive, self-serving, antagonistic or plain obsessive in ensuring their ex's misery, that instead of moving on, they dedicate years of their own lives...in court...seeking revenge.

Here's the bottom line. The above behaviors belong to a very sad person (or at least to a person who may need psychiatric attention). Finding ways to make someone else's life miserable is no way to live.

To the exes who can't get over the hatred, I leave you with this. Your constant presence is like that of a gnat - annoying, but easily swatted away.

Waking up every morning obsessing over someone who fills your heart with hate is not healthy. Thinking that you have devised a plan to reach the core of your ex's being is not realistic. Any type of potential harm you think you may be causing is really only a stress trigger...for you. Because the inevitable truth is that your ex has moved past you. Your ex is waking up loving life and the people in it. And maybe it's time for you to do the same.

If it isn't, and you insist on remaining in your ex's life due to your hatred, please understand that your efforts are noted. But don't let it anger you further if a smile remains on your ex's face. Because what you seem to be missing, my dear, is that your ex has already succeeded in releasing the one thing in life that caused the most misery of all - and that, I'm afraid, is you.

Does It Really Pay to Be Nice?

When it comes to customer service, I have a certain amount of tolerance for inadequacy. But once that level has been met, I am a…well…what’s a good word for it?…complete bitch. 

Just the other day, I may or may not have chewed out a librarian over the phone. You see, I placed a book on hold three weeks ago. I checked online each week and the status of the book was “in,” but I was still sans book. After calling once (and being transferred to three people), I was told to call back the next day. Fine, no problem. However, when the next day rolled around, I called again and was transferred to three different people. Let’s just say that out of a total of six librarians in two days, persons five and six were not so lucky when it came to my patience.

Some of my minor annoyances included the number of times I was transferred and the number of times I had to give my account number and retell my story. However, after librarian #5 told me to call back every day after 2 pm to check on my book, that’s where annoyance morphed into bitch mode.

My response was, “So, it is my job to call you every day at 2 pm to remind you how to do your job in locating this book?” She told me that it wasn’t my job, but she was out of suggestions, as they were unsure of the book’s whereabouts. She then blindly tossed me over to her manager.

So librarian #6 got on the phone, and I had to angrily explain, yet again, the entire story. She acknowledged that it was not my job to call every day, but also noted that her employee did not tell me to do that. In other words, I’m a liar and entirely made that up. We ended the call without a resolution. But 15 minutes later, librarian #6 called me back, telling me she found the book. And then she added, “Doesn’t it pay to be nice?”

When I asked her why she felt the need to add that little quip, she said I was being rude, and that everyone who works there is really nice. So I responded with, “Well, apart from being incompetent liars, sure, your staff is lovely. But to answer your question, no, it doesn’t pay to be nice. I was nice for three weeks. But when I called and was rude, you found the ‘missing’ book in 15 minutes.” She was silent, conceding the conversational “win,” so we ended the call.

After this whole ordeal, I felt slightly bad about being impolite to librarian #5 and librarian #6. But at the same time, it really made me wonder about the world we are living in. In this case, had I not been rude, I most likely would not have gotten that book. And I have been noticing more and more in life that if you don’t call people out on their bullshit, nothing ever changes.

So what do we do? Do we turn on the asshole switch when we want to see a better or different outcome, assuming that people only respond when unpleasant behavior applies itself to a situation? Or do we just try to be nice, not ruffle any feathers and accept things as they are?

My experience with life thus far has taught me that it’s always better to turn on that switch. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a fan of being an intentional bi-atch. I try to listen to the “be nice because you never know what others are going through” mantra. My intention is to always start off on the right foot. But most of the time, I wind up disappointed that I wasted my niceness.

So, does it really pay to be nice? The verdict is still out. But I remain hopeful that maybe one day, I’ll discover a happy medium that allows me to get the desired results without flipping that switch.

*This piece was published on Sammiches and Psych Meds on October 28, 2016.